


Everything's Changed

by nn0405



Category: New Amsterdam (TV 2018)
Genre: Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-01-15 08:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 36,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21250715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nn0405/pseuds/nn0405
Summary: "And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” – Haruki MurakamiThis is life after the storm.





	1. Chapter 1

** _This is an idea I've had floating around in my mind for a bit now. It's a glimpse into a relationship between Max and Helen and all of the complexities it could bring with it. Nothing between these two will ever be simple, but damn they'd be amazing together. ;-) I don't write often at all, so please keep that in mind, but my ideas for this one carry over several chapters if anyone likes it enough to warrant me finishing. If you're reading this, I thank you! If you don't like it, fair enough, and I thank you all the same! :-) _ **

* * *

He hated nights like these. 

Nights where he came home to a dark, quiet house long after the day had ended without including him. It was never his intention for the day to go this way, but it happened. It happened far too often. There was always someone or something that needed his attention more; there was always _one more thing_ left to do.

Max slowly made his way through the foyer and down the hallway, stepping over blocks, books, and dolls along the way. He was used to Luna’s obstacle course in the dark, and if being honest, he was a little proud of the fact he could navigate it flawlessly. The 3 year old blonde haired, blue eyed little girl was his world, even if she eventually caused him to break his leg one day. He’d probably even sport the pink cast he knew she’d insist on him having. These days, everything was pink, and he was learning to love it.

He entered the kitchen, opening the cabinet to grab a bowl, noticing that day’s mail lying on the counter. After quietly making himself a dinner of Cheerios, he stood and looked through the mail as he ate the only food he’d had since lunch. He smiled as he sat an envelope aside that didn’t belong to him. _Dr. Helen Sharpe-Goodwin. _Max didn’t think he’d ever get used to seeing that in black and white. He didn’t think he would ever truly be able to believe that amazing woman had picked up the broken pieces of what was once his life and helped him put it back together.

As he placed the milk back into the fridge, he noticed Luna’s latest artwork from preschool simply titled _My Family _on the door. It always amazed him to see the world through her eyes; it was unobstructed and so very innocent. She had no idea the cruelty the world had dealt her minutes after birth. She had no idea the pain and loss she’d one day feel. Pain that Max knew she’d have to feel to truly be able to accept all that she’d endured at a time she was completely unaware. Those feelings would be felt, and that loss would be profound, but today her world was simply crayon versions of herself, him, and Helen. The angel she had drawn in the top corner represented someone she didn’t see as her Mother. Her tiny mind couldn’t comprehend that someone other than Helen held that title. She always included Georgia in her drawings, but Max knew the idea of her meant little more to Luna than all of the fictional characters she adored.

He quickly finished his cereal, placing the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher before turning lights off and making his way upstairs. These nights reminded him of just how much he missed when he wasn’t here. There was a time in his life when he didn’t care quite as much. The hospital and his career were his life, and everything else took a backseat. Georgia had almost ended their marriage for that very reason. The things he put aside back then, the biggest issues in his first marriage, meant everything to him now. The irony was not lost on him, and he could only hope Georgia would be proud of the progress he'd made and of the Father he was. He finally realized there was a whole life happening outside of the hospital, and that time waits for no one.

The door to Luna’s room was slightly opened, casting a soft light into the hallway. Max smiled as he quietly opened the door to her room, finding Helen and Luna sound asleep on her bed, the book they’d been reading long forgotten. He could watch them like this for hours. There was never a single doubt in his mind that Helen loved Luna as her own. She had been there from the beginning, and as their relationship evolved through the tangled mess of rubble Georgia’s death left behind, so did her attachment to Luna. In every way that mattered, Helen was Luna’s Mother, and Max didn’t think he’d ever be able to make her realize just how much that meant to him. Without her, Luna would have never gotten to experience the innocence every child deserves to feel. Without Helen, his little girl would have a hole in her heart that she was far too young to understand.

There were times over the past 3 years that Max simply couldn’t carry the memory the way he knew he should. It was easier to push that loss to the back of his mind and focus on what he did have. It was easier to not talk about it, even if that meant depriving Luna of the only pieces she’d ever have of Georgia. When it simply became too heavy, Helen had carried it for him. She made certain to include Georgia's memory in every birthday, holiday, or special event in Luna's life. She selflessly did it when no one on earth would expect it of her. Max was _her_ husband. Luna, in every practical sense, was _their_ daughter. Georgia was gone. A harsh reality but the reality nonetheless. Helen had always respected the small part of Max that would always be with Georgia, and she wanted Luna to know her Mother.

The love he had for Helen was very different from what he experienced with Georgia. It was just as meaningful, just as powerful, and just as life-changing. The Max who promised himself to Helen was very different from the guy who promised himself to Georgia. That Max was somewhat clueless, a bit arrogant, and took things for granted far more often than he should have. This Max had walked through hell with an amazing woman by his side, and he’d be damned before ever taking her or what they had for granted. This Max threw everything he possibly could into his relationship with Helen, and he had learned to let go of what he’d been unable to give Georgia.

He often believed it seemed so effortless to Helen because there was a very clear _before_ and _after_ version of him. The important thing to him was making sure she never questioned his love for her. He never wanted her to believe she is the one he settled for after his world imploded. And she didn’t. He knew that she didn’t. As hard as it was to reconcile at times, Max believed life happened the way it was supposed to.

He reached out, gently lifting the book, and placed it on the bedside table next to a framed photograph of Georgia. Max laughed to himself as he saw the book Luna had chosen. If anyone could hear the absolute disdain in their voices when talking to one another about Peppa Pig, they’d know the only one in the Goodwin house who worshipped the English swine was Luna. Still, they happily read the book with as much enthusiasm as they could muster whenever she requested it. 

“Hey,” he whispered, softly touching Helen’s arm to wake her. “Helen…”

She slowly opened her eyes, looking up at him as she adjusted to the light, “Max, what…” 

“It’s 11:30,” he said. “I just got home. You fell asleep reading to her.” He held his breath as he lifted Luna’s little arm and gently moved her so Helen could get out of bed. If he woke her, she’d be up for hours. Helen pulled on his shirt with one arm as if it were a support bar attached to the wall as she used the other to raise herself up. Max braced himself so he wouldn’t tumble into bed on top of them both, “Uh, Helen, babe…”

“Sorry,” Helen whispered. “I’m not exactly agile at the moment!” 

Max pulled the blankets up over Luna before kissing her goodnight. He only wished he could sleep as soundly as their daughter did. She had not a single care in the world. As he followed Helen out of the room, he had to take the opportunity she’d handed him. “I was just about to say you’re the picture of agility these days!”

She turned to glare at him as he pulled her against him, resting his hands on her hips, leaning down to kiss her neck. “Max, I love you, but….”

“I know,” he laughed. “I know.” He followed his wife down the hallway, doing his best not to act amused at the fact she was now most definitely waddling as she walked. He didn’t think it wise to antagonize his almost 36 weeks pregnant wife in such a way. And he sure as hell wasn’t asking for sex at this stage in the game. If she initiated it, great, but otherwise, he erred on the side of caution.

Max quietly closed the door to their bedroom, removing his scrub top as he followed Helen into their en suite. She went about removing her makeup as he turned the water on in the shower to warm up. “You know,” she said. “There was a time I stayed at work until almost midnight on a regular basis.” 

“I know,” Max replied. He walked over, leaning against the vanity, as she continued through her bedtime routine by brushing her teeth. If there was one thing he could say about his wife, it was that she was a force to be reckoned with. She knew exactly what she wanted, and she didn’t stop until it had been accomplished. There had never been a single time in their relationship when he was unable to say exactly what he was thinking. She didn’t always want to hear it, but he could say it. Their first meeting had gone something like that. Two headstrong individuals clashing in the worst way possible, but it had quickly become his favorite thing about her. However, it was that very fact that had made the past 8 months somewhat difficult.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, so before you tell me that, I got it,” he said. “But you’re pregnant, Helen, and no, it’s not a disability, but it’s ok to admit you’re tired. It’s ok to get out of work at a decent hour if possible. You’re pregnant and taking care of our 3 year old, so could you do me a favor and cut yourself some slack?” Their eyes met and he knew he’d gotten through when there was no snappy comeback. “Please?”

Wordlessly, she walked the few steps into his arms and rested her head against his chest. He kissed her forehead before resting his head against hers. “I love you,” he said sweetly. 

“I love you too,” she replied. “I just thought I’d be a bit better at this, that’s all.” She was her own worst critic and always had been. There were very few women who could have gone through all she had been through trying to bring their baby into the world while keeping that same, steady resolve on the outside.

They had bounced back pretty quick after IVF attempts 1 and 2 didn’t work out. Max didn’t know if they’d both been in denial about making the decision to have a baby together or if they’d just been really busy during those times, but they’d charged through pushing the disappointment aside. When the 3rd attempt failed, it had been hard. Max was helpless to fix what was hurting her, and she continued to hide behind her tough exterior. He knew very well his history of cancer treatments had added to an already complicated situation. Logically, he knew it was no more his fault than it was hers, but all he felt was guilt. He wanted to give her everything she wanted. 

They were sitting in her office when the call came that the 4th attempt had been unsuccessful, and Max had never seen her break down like she did then. He had expected the same reaction as the times before, so when she finally broke, it completely shattered him. He remembered holding her as she cried and being unable to do anything but cry with her. There was nothing else to do. He couldn’t fix it. After all she had done for him, there was nothing he could do to make this better.

It had been Helen who talked him into a 5th and final attempt. There was a single embryo left. It had taken a couple months for him to come around to the idea before finally agreeing to give it one last try. For her. It was all for her, and he had absolutely no faith that it would work. He was preparing himself for the worst, knowing he had to be there for her when that dreaded, heartbreaking call came for the final time. 

The day she burst into his office in tears, he was certain she was coming to tell him the same news they’d gotten 4 times before. She was crying so hard he couldn’t understand what she was saying. He caught something about a t-shirt, Luna, and being sorry. He finally understood she was pregnant and was sorry she couldn’t wait to tell him by letting him come home to find Luna in a t-shirt saying she was going to be a big sister. After everything they’d been through, he promised her the way she told him was perfect.

That perfect announcement had been followed by all day sickness that lasted for almost half her pregnancy. Max had gotten used to waking up to the sound of Helen vomiting in their bathroom or at any given time, seeing her rushing to the nearest restroom at work. Despite everything they'd gone through, they now had a perfect, healthy baby on the way. She had every right to complain, but all she talked about was how thankful she was for every single part of it. It was almost as if she felt like it would all vanish if she uttered a single complaint.

“Hey,” he said, gently pulling away from her so she’d look at him. “You’re perfect at this. Well, except for the whole not allowing us to find out what this little one is part.” Max placed his hand on her stomach as he smiled at the look she was giving him.

“There are very few genuine surprises left in this world, Max,” she defended. There were times he agreed and times he disagreed, depending on his mood, but he honestly didn’t care. Whatever was in there, boy or girl, was perfect. “Besides, Luna says it’s a baby brother, and she’s rarely wrong, so…” 

He laughed, “So what you’re saying is we’re gonna be in trouble if a girl shows up because Luna has all but requested a brother?” 

“Basically,” Helen smiled.

“No pressure in there,” Max said, leaning down to kiss her stomach. 

He finished undressing, stepping into the shower to wash off the day, leaving Helen to give him a rundown of the evening as she put her hair up. This was her last week of taking call at night or for unreferred patients until after she returned from maternity leave, they were having dinner with an old colleague of hers on Friday, Luna had a birthday party to attend on Saturday, and “You didn’t eat any of those cupcakes, did you? Max?” 

Max was pulled from his trance of listening to her as he showered, “What cupcakes?”

“In the kitchen! I had to make cupcakes this evening,” Helen replied. “Luna’s class Halloween party is tomorrow. I told you about that, remember?” He had no idea how she managed to keep track of their schedule, but she did. 

“I didn’t eat any of the cupcakes,” Max assured her. He turned the water off and opened the shower door as she handed him a towel. If two marriages had taught him nothing else, he knew better than to eat any baked goods without asking. He made his way over to the sink, grabbing his toothbrush as Helen continued discussing their day and future plans. 

He rinsed his mouth out and placed his toothbrush back on the charger. He had a feeling she’d brush right past the one detail of her busy day that he actually knew about. As always, he gave her the opportunity to bring it up herself before he blindsided her with it. “So,” he said, turning the bathroom light off and following her into their bedroom. “Lauren came to see me today.”

“Yeah?” She said, tossing accent pillows onto the floor as Max quickly dressed for bed. “What did she want?” 

Max got into bed, helping her adjust pillows as she tried to get as comfortable as she could in her current stage of pregnancy. “She came to me because she was confused as to why you turned her down when she asked about throwing you a baby shower. I guess she thought I might know the reason behind that.” 

Helen sighed. She remained silent far longer than he expected her to. He expected her to rattle off some excuse and close the topic. “This baby isn’t our first, Max. And you typically don’t have showers for subsequent children.” 

Max closed his eyes, knowing he needed to word his response carefully. Every decision she made came from the very best place, but that didn’t mean she was always right. This time, she couldn’t be more wrong. He turned on his side to face her, “Helen….” He reached out, resting his hand on her arm before he began. “You’re right, this baby isn’t our first, but these experiences are firsts for you. We went through hell to have this baby, and he or she deserves to be celebrated. You deserve to experience those things.”

“I just,” she said tearfully. “I don’t ever want Luna to look back and think for a second that I loved this baby more just because he or she is my biological child. That would kill me, Max, because I do not feel that way at all.” 

There was a part of him that always knew this would happen. He expected it to get worse before it got better. He moved toward her, pulling her into his arms, “That isn’t going to happen, ok? It’s not. One day Luna is going to look back and think how amazing it was that her beautiful, brilliant Mom took in her mess of a Dad and loved him back to life while accepting her completely. That’s what she’s going to look back and think.”

“I hope you’re right,” she replied.

Max kissed her on the head, holding her as she got herself together. “Georgia got to experience those things with her,” he said. “She got to have a baby shower, she got to fuss over getting the apartment ready, and though the end was horrible….she got to see Luna. She got to hear her cry. You deserve all of that, and it doesn’t mean you love Luna any less.” 

It was hard to think about the day Luna was born. It was equally the best and worst day of his life. This experience would be healing for him, and that fact didn’t change his love for Luna. He needed a happy ending. “I hated hearing her very first cry alone. At the moment I didn’t think about it, of course, but in the months that followed, it was all I could focus on. I wanted to see Georgia experience that, and I didn’t get to; she was out. That’s what I’m looking forward to the most. Seeing your face when you hear that first cry.” Though she could never fully understand or know just how much he loved her for giving him the chance, that one moment would heal so much in his heart.

Helen laughed through her tears, “Ok, I’m trying really hard to stop crying here! You aren’t helping!” 

He laughed, resting his hand on her growing belly and feeling their son or daughter move. “So, it’s a yes on the baby shower then? You’ll tell Lauren? Or I will, you know, to make sure the message gets to her….”

Helen playfully rolled her eyes in response, “I’ll tell her, but just for that I’ll make sure she informs everyone it’s co-ed. You aren’t getting off that easily.” 

There was a time he thought it was all silly. The showers, the birthing classes, the plethora of baby gear that would take over the house, but not anymore. He was terrified but thankful. He’d do anything, go anywhere, as long as Helen and their baby made it through safely. Max smiled, closing his eyes as he held her in his arms, “If you insist.” 


	2. Chapter 2

** _This is an idea I've had floating around in my mind for a bit now. It's a glimpse into a relationship between Max and Helen and all of the complexities it could bring with it. Nothing between these two will ever be simple, but damn they'd be amazing together. ;-) I don't write often at all, so please keep that in mind, but my ideas for this one carry over several chapters if anyone likes it enough to warrant me finishing. If you're reading this, I thank you! If you don't like it, fair enough, and I thank you all the same! :-) _ **

* * *

Max had never before in his life been in one room that contained the amount of baby stuff the nursery in their house now contained. It was as if a baby store had exploded in there, and no one had made any effort to clean it up.

When Luna was born, he wasn’t exactly brand new to the hospital, and he had friends, but that number had grown over the past 3 years. It had grown a lot. More than that, Helen was having this baby, and well, _everyone_ loved Helen. The “small” baby shower Lauren had promised had turned into a hospital wide come & go extravaganza. Friends, colleagues, nurses and ancillary staff from every department, pharmacy, administration, and even members of the security team had shown up. They had started moving gifts to his office before they had even been opened, and it had taken one of the hospital’s cargo vans packed full to get it all home in one trip.

They had received gifts from friends outside of work, family, patients, and even from several of Georgia's friends. Max could tell she really didn't know how to feel about receiving those, but Helen had accepted them graciously. After Georgia's death, there had been a very clear divide in her group of best friends. Some were thrilled that Max had eventually moved forward with Helen. Others felt he was betraying Georgia in some way. The way he saw it, if they couldn't be happy for him and Luna, then they never really knew Georgia at all. 

It was all so overwhelming, but they could not deny they were loved. 

He was standing in the nursery amidst all of the packages and boxes, wondering what the hell they were going to do with all of it. There were doubles and triples of things. There was baby gear he recognized, and there was baby gear he had never seen before. There were so many diapers they’d probably never have to buy a single one. This experience had been so different from the last. There wasn't a spare room for a nursery in the apartment, so they took the minimalist approach when it came to preparing for Luna. The townhouse he and Helen had purchased had plenty of room, and he'd spent the last weeks painting and assembling nursery furniture. Some of it he knew they'd probably never use or need, but if Helen wanted it, he made sure they got it. 

He was trying to come up with a solution, lost in his thoughts when he heard Helen enter the room. He turned to look at her as she took it all in. “This is insane,” she said, resting her hands on her hips as Luna peeped out from behind her. “I don’t even know where to begin.” 

“We could always shut the door and pretend it’s not here,” Max grinned. It wasn't the worst idea. He watched as Luna handed a banana to Helen to peel. “Is that for me, Lu?” She was becoming far too independent for his feelings. They used to do everything for her, and now she would go into the kitchen, get most whatever she wanted, and bring it to them. Not completely independent, but even her being able to do that much without them stung a bit. 

“It’s for me, Daddy,” Luna informed him in a very matter-of-fact tone. It was crazy to him just how much was inherited. She didn’t know Georgia at all but there were so many of her little expressions or quirks that came directly from her. Except for her eyes, she was the spitting image of Georgia. And there was no way he could deny the eyes. 

“It’s not for me?! I can’t believe that!” 

“It’s mine,” Luna giggled, staying on the other side of Helen, holding her banana close. 

Helen smiled, “I won’t allow Daddy to take your banana. He’s too scared of me to try.” Luna took a bite of the fruit, satisfied with that promise. 

“I guess we should get started,” she said. “I thought we could donate whatever we can’t keep.” That didn’t surprise him at all. Many would return it to the store, but she only thought of others. 

Max knew this would only make her nesting worse. It had never happened with Georgia, their apartment often being a disaster, so he thought it was probably all a myth. Then what started out as Floyd and Evie coming for dinner ended in Floyd helping him move furniture so she could clean where it had been. He was certain Floyd had probably decided not to have children after spending an evening at their house, though Evie seemed to eat it all up. The cleaning service they used was still coming, but Helen cleaned behind them once they were gone. He just kept reminding himself this baby would be here soon. 

She sat down in the rocking chair and picked up a one of the many, many gifts, “Luna, you want to help me open this one?” 

Luna hopped over, her excitement at getting to open presents palpable. "What is it, Mommy?" The bond between them was one of Max's favorite things to witness. Though the circumstances were tragic, the two had entered one another's lives when they needed each other the most. Helen had needed Luna just as much as Luna had needed her. 

“Well, I don’t know,” Helen said sweetly as she helped Luna tear the wrapping paper, “Let’s see!” 

Max grabbed his phone, ready to at least record what it was and who sent it somewhere. “Who is that from?” 

Helen opened the card, reading it and smiling, “Aww, this is from Nicole in Intensive Care!” Max had no idea who that was, but he typed the name in all the same. He had no idea how she knew everyone that she knew, but she could remember every face and every name regardless of the shift they worked. 

“Is that for our baby?!” Luna asked, lifting the tiny white gown out of the box.

Helen took it from her, holding it up so they could get a better look at it, “It _is_ for our baby. You see how small it is?” 

“Yep,” Luna replied. “It’s just little!” It was unbelievable to think in only a few weeks there would be someone wearing that. 

“It is little,” Helen smiled. Max could see some sort of stitching on the front, but it looked like every other white baby gown to him. This baby had a whole closet and several drawers full of clothes already. They didn't need one more thing. She handed the gown to Luna, “You want to give that to Daddy? Have him start a pile over there?” 

Max took the gown from Luna as she skipped out of the room to go play in her bedroom, opening one gift had been all the help she was willing to provide. “You don’t want me to hang it up?”

“Before washing it?” Helen asked. “Max, all the clothes in the closet have been washed.” He’d been a Father for over 3 years, but he had a feeling this experience would be very different from the first for more reasons than the obvious. 

He nodded. “So, this is what it’s like for your newborn to have a Mother….” There was so much of Luna’s first months of life that he didn’t even remember. He survived by making it from one feeding to the next. One diaper change to the next. One day to the next. The one thing he could remember was grabbing clothes out of shopping bags, tearing the tags off, and dressing Luna in them. Something as obvious as washing new baby clothes before putting them on her never crossed his mind. Looking back, it should have, but it didn’t. 

“Max…” Helen said, remorse evident in her voice. “I didn’t mean…”

Max looked at her, instantly regretting what he’d just said, “No!” He quickly went to her, kneeling next to where she sat, “Helen, no. I didn’t mean anything…” He sighed, taking her hand in his. He promised himself he wouldn’t do this. He wouldn’t compare experiences because there was no comparison. He wouldn’t take one second of this away from her by bringing up the memories he had from Luna’s newborn days as if the way he did it then had been right. “There’s probably going to be a lot I don’t know. A lot I _should_ know, but a lot I don’t know. Luna and I made it the best we could and I….”

“Max,” she interrupted. “You are an amazing Father to Luna, and you are going to be an amazing Father to this baby. We’re going to figure this out together, ok? I don’t expect you to have all the answers.” 

He smiled, leaning forward to kiss her. He knew it would be ok, but he also knew there could be memories that came out of nowhere that would be tough to deal with. “What do you say we tackle as much of this as we can before putting her to bed?” 

“I say you better grab that package over there and open it,” Helen replied. 

The next hour was spent opening gifts, making notes on who they were from, and separating them into their appropriate piles. “You know,” Max observed. “We have quite a bit more boy stuff than we do girl stuff.” 

Helen smiled, “I think people just want us to have a boy since we already have Luna. I’ve noticed that too. Only remove tags from the gender-neutral stuff. Keep tags on gender-specific for now.” She could claim to not know what she was doing, but as always, her system ran like a well-oiled machine. 

“Speaking of having a boy,” Max said. “I was thinking that I kind of like the name Graham.” He wasn’t certain why he thought naming this baby would be easy. He and Helen had always worked well together, but naming their child was proving to be different. Her philosophy was that they'd know the perfect name once they saw the baby. Max didn't think it'd be quite as simple. 

“Graham.” She stated.

“Yeah,” Max smiled. They had been through so many names. He found himself scrolling through baby name websites randomly throughout the day, making mental notes of ones he liked. There was never any discussion of what to name Luna. They found out she was a girl, and the name seemed to come with her. Helen didn’t want to use any family names, so that made throwing the dart at the perfect name far more difficult. 

“Graham Goodwin?” He could tell he was losing her quickly. Helen gave him a look, “I don’t know that I love that.”

Max laughed, “Well, I think we should prepare for the fact one of us may not exactly love whatever we name this little guy or girl, but they have to have a name.” Plan B was allowing Luna to name the baby, and he really didn’t feel like bringing a Peppa home from the hospital. 

“I just don’t care for Graham,” she replied. 

“Ok,” Max said. “The other name I’ve thought a lot about lately is Lucas.” 

Helen thought it over for a couple minutes, and he was certain she was going to veto it as well. Peppa was looking more and more likely. “I could go with Lucas.”

“Yeah?” Max said, obviously surprised. “You like Lucas?”

“I like Lucas,” she replied. 

Max considered it progress. Their child, should it be a boy, most likely had 1 name, at least. He’d take it. For months it seemed like this baby would never actually arrive. The time had passed so slowly, then all of a sudden, it seemed as if they were running out of time. “Have we decided on Georgia’s parents coming to keep her while we’re in the hospital?” Georgia’s Mother had made a request months ago, asking if they could come to the city to see after Luna while they were having the baby. It could be awkward at times, keeping them in his life with Georgia gone, but he wanted them to know their granddaughter. As hard as he was sure it was for them, they respected Helen's role in Luna's life.

“Honestly, Max,” Helen said. “I think that’s the best plan. The last time with your family...” she trailed off. His Mother had been a little slower to warm up to the idea of Max getting remarried. Georgia was like a daughter to them, and she had taken the loss hard. Some would say it reopened a lot of wounds that remained from losing her own daughter. It had taken some time for her to come around to the idea that he was in a relationship with Helen, and not just friends. He had done his best to forgive it, Helen had certainly encouraged it, but it was still hard at times. For that reason, Luna had not spent a lot of time with them. The last overnight visit ended in Max going to pick her up at 2am because she wanted to come home. His family wasn't a realistic option for now. “She does well with my Mum but it's a matter of it taking a while for her to get here, so I think we should definitely set them up to do that. I won’t worry about her if she’s with Georgia’s parents. And Evie has made it clear she is our emergency contact until family can make it.” 

Max smiled, “Yeah, I’ve been warned by Floyd. Several times.” He saw her folding a blue blanket and thought it looked familiar. "Who gave us that?"

"Oh," she said, passing it to him. "Your Mum sent that to me," she answered. "With a really sweet note, actually." He was certain she'd been as shocked as he was. "She said it was your blanket when you were a baby, and she wanted our baby to have it, boy or girl."

"Yeah," Max replied, holding the blanket. "She gave us my sister's when Luna was born. I didn't even know she still had mine." As he got older, he realized his parents had kept a lot more of Luna's things than of his. He knew it was because they lost her at such a young age, but having something like this meant a lot to him. "I think the universe is trying to tell us something." 

Helen smiled. "I have no idea how to be a Mum to a little boy, but I think we can figure it out if we need to." 

"We can definitely figure it out," Max said. He remembered feeling the same way before Luna was born. He had no idea what to do with a daughter, and at that time, he had faith that Georgia would have all the answers. When he was thrown into it alone, he had to figure it out as best he could, and just pray he wasn't messing up too badly. 

“I can’t believe we’re just a few weeks out from this actually happening,” she said. “It’s crazy.” 

He found it equally hard to believe. He had done his best to work through irrational fears that stemmed from what happened to Georgia. Helen had experienced none of the complications that plagued most of Georgia’s pregnancy. The baby was healthy. He actually got to enjoy the more lighthearted moments of pregnancy this time around. The first time it had been holding his breath from 1 doctor visit to the next. Still, he worried. Lightening rarely struck the same place twice, but he worried. He knew they would be ok. They had to be ok. “I’m not looking forward to seeing you in pain,” he said truthfully. 

“Who said anything about pain?!” Helen laughed. “You know I’m getting an epidural as soon as humanly possible. I’m pushing this baby out with minimal effort. Suzanne and I have a plan.” 

“I’m with you,” Max agreed. “Georgia wanted to do the whole natural birth thing and….” 

Helen shook her head in disagreement. “I want to feel my emotions. That’s it.”

If she had given him any other answer it wouldn’t have been his Helen. She could absolutely do whatever she had to do, and he knew she would, but if given a choice, that was 100% a Helen answer. 

Their conversation was interrupted by Luna bounding back into the room, carrying her doll and wearing her ballet shoes. She climbed up to sit on Helen’s lap and held her doll out for Max to take. “Why do you have your ballet shoes on, Lu? It’s not time for dance class.” She had definitely gotten her love for dance from Georgia, and he was grateful that Helen noticed that and enrolled her in ballet. At first, he thought it’d be hard to experience that knowing Georgia wouldn’t be a part of it. After tagging along to a couple classes, he couldn’t feel anything other than joy seeing how happy she was. 

Helen took Luna’s hand and placed it on her stomach. Her little face erupted in the biggest smile. “You feel that?” Helen asked her. 

Luna giggled, “It’s the baby!” 

Max moved closer, reaching out to place his hand next to Luna’s. “What do you think is going on in there?”

Luna smiled, “Him is kicking me!” 

Max winked at Helen, smiling as he continued the conversation. “Him? Is it a boy, you think?”

Luna nodded, “It’s a brother.”

“What if it’s a sister?” Helen asked.

The little girl shrugged, “It’s a brother. And Daddy can take him.” 

It all suddenly made sense. It wasn’t that she wanted a brother or even really knew what one was. She thought if the baby was a boy, then she wouldn’t have to share Helen. Max gently rubbed Luna’s back, “Lu, the baby isn’t going to take Mommy away, ok? It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl or a boy, that’s not going to change.”

Helen brushed blonde ringlets out of Luna’s face, “Hey, look at me…” She was met with big blue eyes. “I’m not going anywhere or forgetting about you, ok? So you don’t need to worry about that.”

Luna seemed satisfied with that answer, hugging Helen before hopping down to go back to her room. If he were being honest, he did worry about Luna, but not for the same reasons Helen worried. He couldn’t help it. He would never admit that to her because he knew there was nothing she could do to change his worry. She would be perfect. She would love both children equally without question, and Luna would never doubt that. He sometimes worried about Luna feeling left out the older she got and the more she learned. She would one day fully understand her Mother had died and that Helen did not give birth to her. He didn't believe giving birth automatically made a Mother, but it was something she wouldn't have in common with her sibling. There a had to be a sense of loss at not having that connection, and knowing the woman she shared it with, had died the day she was born. Despite his best attempts at explaining it to her, he knew, for now, she was too young to understand. He tried not to worry, but it was hard. None of that would happen today, so he pushed it to the back of his mind to stay until the next time it reared its ugly head. 

“Well,” Helen said, tears pooling in her eyes. “Wow.” 

Max held her hand in his, “It’s going to be ok.” 

“If you can’t find me tomorrow,” she said. “I’ll be in Iggy’s office having a breakdown.” 

Max couldn’t help but laugh. Who knew when they met, that one day they’d be sitting in their unborn child’s nursery fretting over how their 3 year old would feel once the baby arrived. Back then, he just prayed she’d come back to work. 

“Tell you what,” he grinned. “I’ll pick us up some sandwiches and meet you there. It’ll be a date.”


	3. Chapter 3

** _This is an idea I've had floating around in my mind for a bit now. It's a glimpse into a relationship between Max and Helen and all of the complexities it could bring with it. Nothing between these two will ever be simple, but damn they'd be amazing together. ;-) I don't write often at all, so please keep that in mind, but my ideas for this one carry over several chapters if anyone likes it enough to warrant me finishing. If you're reading this, I thank you! If you don't like it, fair enough, and I thank you all the same! :-) _ **

* * *

It was going to be one of those days.

Nothing, in particular, had happened, but everything had happened. It was barely 12pm, and Max was ready to call it a day.

The ER was overflowing with flu and pneumonia patients. The surgery schedule was backed up due to everyone trying to get elective procedures in before January and the restart of their yearly deductibles. Psych was slammed as the holiday season was enough to make anyone struggle if they were prone to do so. Radiology, pharmacy, and lab were catching issues from all of the above. 

Max’s first phone call of the day came through at 4:30 from Bloom saying she’d been called in early and they could use some backup in the ER. He’d gotten out of bed, convinced Helen to go back to sleep, and ran out the door to help. He’d been called approximately 550 times since and had helped out in every single department except for Obstetrics, Neonatology, and Pediatrics. He had no intention of visiting those 3 and every intention of making it out of there in time to at least lay eyes on Luna before her bedtime. 

He just had to keep moving.

He stopped long enough to grab something to drink when his phone started ringing yet again. With call number, by his exaggerated estimate, 551. He sighed, taking a drink before digging the offending device out of his lab coat pocket…..yet again. “Yeah?” He barked into the phone, not really caring who was on the other end of the line. Everyone was in the same mood anyway. 

“Max?” 

“Hey,” his voice instantly becoming softer when he realized it was Helen. She wouldn’t call for no reason. She had been just as busy admitting Oncology patients who had succumbed to the seasonal bugs due to weakened immune systems. This was after she had to move all of her appointments for the day back because he'd forgotten he was supposed to drop Luna off at preschool since she had an earlier appointment than usual. He had remembered about the time Helen had made it out the door to take Luna to school, and she didn't have time to listen to him apologize over the phone. He’d been on her floor some odd hours ago for a brief amount of time doing what he could. If she was calling, she needed something.

“I…” she paused. “I’m sorry, I know you’re busy, I just…”

“Helen,” he said. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry, what’s going on?” 

“When you get a chance,” she continued. “Can you swing by my office?”

He took another drink, tossing the water bottle into the trash, before starting off in whatever direction his feet took him first. They all needed him. “Not sure when I can get to you, but yeah, I promise I’ll stop by as soon as I can. You ok?” 

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I think I’m just being paranoid.”

As soon as those words left her mouth, everything he had to do vanished. “I’m coming now, ok?” 

“Max, you don’t….” 

“I’ll be there in a couple minutes.” He ended the call and turned to go in the direction of her office. The only thing he did know was she would never admit she was worried about anything unless she was truly worried. Most times, the problem with Helen was that she didn’t worry enough about herself. She micromanaged anything and everything concerning him and Luna, but she never did the same for herself. `

“MAX!” 

He looked up to see Floyd running in his direction. “Hey, hold up! Hold up!” Floyd caught up with him, slightly out of breath. “Evie wanted to know if you guys wanted to come for dinner tomorrow night. Get a sitter, or don’t and bring Luna, we’d love to have you either way! Forgot all about it until I saw you.” 

Max smiled, “I’ll get back to you once I run it by her. I’m on my way there now, she called and sounded worried about something, so I just wanna make sure she’s ok.” 

Floyd patted him on the back, “Let me know and if something is going on you know Evie is…”

“I know,” Max smiled. “Hopefully not, we’ve got 3 more weeks. It’s probably a patient. She’s been as slammed as everyone else this morning.” 

He managed to make it to her office without any more interruptions. When he entered the room, he could instantly tell something was wrong. He had always been able to tell when something was wrong with her. “Hey,” he said. “What’s going on? Talk to me.” 

“The baby hasn’t been moving nearly as often as he or she normally does,” she replied. He breathed a sigh of relief. There was no pain, no contractions, no bleeding, none of the complications he’d scared himself into thinking he’d find along the way. “I noticed it when I woke up this morning,” she continued. “Normally, after I have breakfast, he or she is moving like crazy during morning rounds. Everything was so crazy this morning trying to get Luna to school that I really didn't think about it. When I noticed, I got a pastry and some orange juice and still nothing.”

He came around her desk, kneeling next to where she sat. He placed his hand on her belly, “But there is movement, right?” He never had to wait long to feel kicks when he touched her stomach, but all was quiet this morning. 

“Yeah,” she answered. “It’s just not normal.”

“This one kept you awake a lot last night kicking,” Max sweetly reminded her. He knew that because every time she tossed or turned, it woke him. He knew better than to say anything, but he was well aware of how little she'd slept the night before. “They're probably just catching up on sleep now that you're awake and moving around.” 

“I'm telling you, Max,” she replied. He could see she was getting upset, the unshed tears visible in her eyes. “We’ve been sharing space for 9 months, believe me when I say that I’m pretty familiar with their behavior, and I am telling you, this isn’t normal.” 

Max looked up at her, taking her hand in his, “Ok, we’ll call Suzanne and see if we can get in at the office or see her here, wherever she is.” He quickly took his phone and started scrolling for their Obstetrician’s number as his pager started going off. He felt Helen reach in his pocket for it as he waited on an answer.

“Dr. Goodwin!” The Obstetrician answered. 

“Hey,” Max greeted. “Suzanne, listen, I’m here with Helen, and she just called me to her office saying she hasn’t felt the baby move as much as she normally does. She’s had breakfast and some orange juice, and there’s been no improvement. Is there anyway we could get in to see you? If not, at least go up to OB to have heart tones checked?”

He heard the OB typing, no doubt in the middle of her own hectic day, “Yes, actually I want her to go to Labor & Delivery to be monitored. I’m sure everything is fine, but I’d like to get a non-stress test on her.” 

Max looked at Helen, seeing she was still visibly worried and knew this would at least help calm her nerves. “Are you here in the hospital?” 

“I am,” Suzanne replied. “I’m waiting to do a delivery, and then I’ll stop by and check on you guys, that sound like a plan? I’ll put the orders in and let the nurses know you’re on the way.” 

“Thanks, Suzanne,” Max said. He ended the call, placing the phone back in his pocket. “So….”

“This was a 9-1-1 from ICU,” Helen told him. “I’ll be fine going to get checked out, so you can go see what’s going on there.” 

Max took the pager from her, placing it in his pocket along with the phone. “She wants you to go to Labor & Delivery for a non-stress test, and I am going with you. I’m going to text Bloom, get her to take the reins for a bit, and we’re going to make sure this little one is ok.” He hadn't been the most present husband to Georgia, and she was alone for most of her pregnancy with Luna. He could count on one hand the prenatal appointments he'd actually made it to. He had yet to miss one of Helen's, and he wasn't about to start now. Even appointments she insisted would be quick and uneventful. Max didn't care how uneventful it was, he was determined to be there for everything. 

He knew she was more concerned than she had even admitted to him when she didn’t take time to make calls and pass along her patients to other Oncologists for the day. The second she knew the plan, she was up from her desk and out of her office. He quickly grabbed her phone and locked the door behind him, rushing to make the elevator before she left without him. “Helen…” 

She looked at him, leaning against the elevator wall as he followed her on and pressed the button for the OB floor. The doors had barely closed before the tears finally spilled over. Max closed the distance between them, pulling her into his arms. “Hey,” he whispered. “It’s going to be ok. Everything will be ok, we’re just being cautious. Suzanne even said she thought everything was fine.”

Helen nodded, trying to get control of her emotions as they exited the elevator. He gently rubbed her back as she gave the admissions clerk her information and got checked in. It was strange being on the other side of things and seeing how it felt to be a patient for a change. His time spent on the OB/GYN unit had been considerably less than everywhere else in the hospital, and he really didn’t spend any time here when Luna was born. 

He took her hand as a nurse led them into the observation unit. He did remember this part of the floor from Georgia's time here. Everything was so bright and colorful. For the most part, this was a happy unit and very different from most of the places he spent his time. “Right in here,” the nurse smiled. “Dr. Sharpe, if you’ll go into the bathroom and change into the gown I laid out for you. Take everything else off, and I'll be waiting for you out here.” 

Max looked at the nurse’s name tag, “Kimberly, from here on just Max and Helen. We’re definitely not doctors on this unit, just a couple anxious parents.” He was certain it made the staff nervous to be taking care of the medical director's wife, who also happened to be a physician, but there was no other option. He knew this hospital, believed in its doctors, and it was the only place he trusted. 

“Of course,” she smiled. "I took care of your...." She stopped talking, realizing what she'd said too late. "I remember when your little girl was born." It didn't bother him for people to mention Georgia anymore. He knew it was more uncomfortable for them than it was him. "How old is she now?" 

Max smiled. "She's uh....she's 3 1/2, she'll turn 4 in the spring. She's excited to be a big sister." 

"I bet she is!" She finished getting the monitor set up as he took a seat next to the bed. It suddenly hit him that he was not ready to endure another tragedy. This baby had to be ok. The second that monitor touched Helen’s stomach, he had to hear their baby alive and well. He wouldn’t accept any less. 

“So,” the nurse smiled, helping Helen get settled into bed and getting the monitors properly placed. “Do we know if this is a boy or a girl?” 

“We don’t,” Helen replied. “We wanted to be surprised. Well, I did, he would have probably rather known."

Max didn’t care who was in there just as long as they were ok. He took Helen’s hand, watching the nurse as she moved the monitor around. With barely any search at all, they heard the familiar _thump-thump-thump-thump_ fill the room.

“There we go,” the nurse smiled, securing the monitor in place. “I didn’t think we’d have to chase this one far.” She lowered Helen’s gown, arranging the blankets over her and handing her a small control. “Helen, what we need you to do is every time you feel movement, press this button. That will show us the baby's activity and what his or her heart rate does with that activity. Our doctors usually want about a 20 minute strip.” She went back to entering information in her computer as he sat and listened to the best sound he'd heard all day. "When is your due date?"

"December 6th," Helen replied. 

"And is that date based on your first ultrasound?"

"This is an IVF baby," she explained. "So, we're certain on all of our dates. I'll be 37 weeks tomorrow." 

The nurse smiled, "Even more special!" She really had no idea, and Max didn't have the time to explain it. She finished updating Helen's chart before telling them the doctor would be in shortly and exiting the room.

Max released the breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding as soon as she was gone. He reached out, placing his hand on Helen's stomach, “All this time in there, and you pick now to misbehave….” 

“In his or her defense,” Helen said. “We don’t know that they are misbehaving. It may be a case of my paranoia.” Helen was many things, but paranoid wasn't one of them. Max wouldn't rest until he knew everything was declared fine by their Obstetrician. 

"Sorry again about this morning," he felt now was as good a time as any to ask for forgiveness. "I completely forgot you telling me I'd have to do drop-off this morning. Bloom called, and I just forgot." She had no doubt told him multiple times, but it still managed to slip his mind. Mornings were Helen's domain, and she made them run smoothly. She got Luna out of bed, dressed, fed, and to preschool before starting her workday much later than he started his. 

Helen gave him a look that told him despite whatever she might say, he was forgiven. "Your Mother called in the midst of it all." 

"No," Max groaned. "Why? She didn't call me!"

"Wanting to finalize our Thanksgiving plans," Helen replied. "With your English wife. 2 weeks before the fact. At 7:15 in the morning. When she knows you aren't home, and I am trying to get Luna ready for school and myself ready for work. Honestly, Max, sometimes I have no idea what to think."

Max laughed. He'd finally managed to find someone who could get as exasperated with his Mother as he could. Georgia had always taken her side in most of their arguments, but Helen understood. "Because we have so many other family members to see that day...." 

"That's more or less what I told her," Helen replied. Max had no doubt she had done just that. "It isn't as if my family celebrates the day. That's also a week before my due date, so where would we go?" 

"You could have the baby that day," Max grinned. He was trying not to notice how many times he'd watched her press the button in her hand. It had been way less than he would have expected. "Save us from another fun-filled Goodwin Thanksgiving." 

"We can't do that to Luna," Helen smiled. "We have to stick together when it comes to holidays spent with your family."

They both got their phones and busied themselves with work while they waited for the test to end. He could tell she was trying not to focus on the monitor just as much as him. The sound of their baby’s heart was reassuring, so they didn’t want to delve any deeper on their own. "I have 2 appointments this afternoon," Helen told him. "I don't know if I should go ahead and cancel or if I'll be finished here in time to make it." 

Max rested his hand on her leg, "Would it be the end of the world if you just went home? Got some rest? You've been going nonstop today."

Before she could protest, there was a quick knock followed by their OB entering the room. Max knew her well enough to know there was something she was about to tell them. He’d gotten to know her very well with all of the complications Georgia had. “So, here’s the good news,” she smiled. “Your baby’s heart rate is stable. That was our main concern, so that’s positive news. However, if you’ll notice, today the heart rate has ranged anywhere from 110-120 and your baseline throughout this entire pregnancy has been 140-150. The baby’s also not very active, and the fetal monitor strip is not as reactive as we’d like to see.”

Max stood, taking a seat on the bed next to Helen, knowing whatever was coming that he had to be the strong one. He didn't know much about Obstetrics, but he did know enough to know that a decreased heart rate and a somewhat sluggish baby weren't good signs. “What are you thinking? Fluids? Oxygen?” He remembered the basics and expected the OB to start rattling off familiar orders. Helen remained quiet, a tell-tale sign that she was trying to keep herself together.

“I’m not sure if this an issue with the placenta or if it’s the umbilical cord,” the doctor replied. “Whatever is causing this, at this point, it’s safer to deliver the baby than to leave you pregnant. So, my recommendation is to proceed with a c-section today. We could try a few other things, but I just feel like taking the baby today is the safest course of action.” 

“A c-section?!” Max couldn’t control himself no matter how badly he knew he needed to in that moment. He could see Helen had lost her inner battle, tears streaming down her cheeks as she did her best to hang onto her resolve. Max was aware he needed to keep it together for her, but he was incapable of doing that. For his own sanity, he needed this baby to be born without requiring Helen to undergo major surgery. “Inducing her labor isn't an option?” 

Logically, he knew the circumstances were completely different. They were at the hospital surrounded by doctors, nurses, and lifesaving equipment. Anything that could possibly be needed was at their fingertips. Still, in that moment, Max was right back in the apartment standing by helpless as Bloom did everything she could to save Georgia and Luna. He was calling Helen for help and being told they wouldn't make it in time. No matter how hard he tried to push those thoughts out of his head, there they were. It felt as if the last shred of control he had, was being taken from him. 

Suzanne placed a hand on his shoulder, “It is an option, but I’m afraid the length of time it would take to put her body into labor, and deliver this baby or the amount of medication it would take to do that would be enough to send the baby into severe distress. In that case, if that happened, it would be an emergent situation and we would have to react very quickly.”

Max knew she was right, he just didn’t want to hear it. He also knew he was the only one in the room still left to get on board. If Helen had disagreed, she would have voiced that. She remained quiet because she had resigned herself to it the moment Suzanne recommended it. He looked at Helen, squeezing her hand, “Well,” he said quietly. “I guess we’re having a baby today.” 

The doctor who had seen him through so much heartbreak kept a hand on his shoulder, “I’m going to take the very best care of them, Max. I promise. This is going to be a completely different experience.” 

He nodded, believing her but still being terrified. He survived losing Georgia. Somehow. If anything happened to Helen, he wouldn’t recover. There was no way he could go forward with 2 children by himself. “I’ll have spinal anesthesia?” Helen asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“Yes,” Suzanne replied. “This is going to be like any other routine c-section. You’ll be fully awake, numb from the waist down, and Max will be with you the entire time.” 

“And the baby? Will the Neonatologist be there?” Max was thankful she was asking the important questions. All he could do was sit there trying not to vomit at the thought of having to place the lives of his wife and child in someone else's hands yet again.

“Due to the indication for this c-section and the fact you aren't quite 37 weeks yet, we’ll have NICU attend the delivery,” she explained. “I don’t anticipate any problems, but they’ll evaluate him or her in the OR.” 

“Zaveri,” Max blurted out. “I want Zaveri to attend if a Neonatologist needs to be there. Make sure that Thompson is there to cover anesthesia.” He couldn’t control everything, but he’d control what he could, and that started with making certain the very best were available.

“Max….” Helen said. 

“I’ll be more than happy to call Dr. Zaveri and Dr. Thompson,” Suzanne assured them. “It’s no problem.” 

“How many nights will I have to stay in the hospital?” When she was scared out of her mind, this is what she did. Max knew by her being as clinical as possible, that she was as terrified as he was. None of this was going how they'd planned. 

Suzanne smiled, “I'm afraid it's not going to be any different for you, doctor or not. You’ll be here for 3 nights. And you’ll be off work a minimum of 6 weeks. It’s like I told a Mom I delivered today who’s a nurse at University, having your baby today means you’ll be off for all the holidays this season. Silver lining.”

“My department will be convinced I planned this,” Helen joked. “We were just beginning to discuss the holiday call schedule. I think they were hoping to at least get Thanksgiving out of me.”

“Well then good thing you can tell them you won’t be helping cover any of it before they get their hopes up,” Max said. He didn’t care about a single doctor in her department at the moment. “Do you want me to tell them?”

“I think can handle it,” Helen replied. “Thank you for everything, Suzanne.”

The doctor gave Helen a quick hug, “It’s going to be just fine. You trusted your instincts, and because of that, we get to do this calmly. Remember that, ok? You did everything perfectly and this baby is going to be ok because of you.” Helen nodded. “I’ll see you two in the OR!” The doctor left as he stood silently looking out the window. If she hadn't insisted on being checked out....

“Max, can you please come sit?” Helen requested, patting the bed beside her.

He took her hands in his, sitting down on the edge of her bed. He knew that look, and he was pretty sure he knew what was coming. She always knew what was going through his mind no matter how hard he tried to hide it. “Don’t ask me to do something you know I can’t do, Helen. Please.” 

“Max,” she said. “If something happens and they have to take the baby for whatever reason, you _have _to go with him or her. There is no other option, there is no telling me you aren’t going to do it, if our baby needs to be taken to the NICU, you have to leave me and go.” 

He couldn’t imagine walking out of the OR before knowing they had closed and gotten her moved to recovery safely. If he left and came back to find out something had happened. “Helen….”

“Max,” she said firmly. “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. If our baby has to be taken anywhere, you will go, and you will be there through anything they have to do. I need you to swear to me that you’ll go. I will be fine, but I can't even think about neither of us being there with...”

Max leaned forward, kissing her forehead, stopping her before she got even more upset. “Nothing is going to happen to our baby. We’re going to leave that OR together.”

She started to cry. “Max, I just need you to…”

“I swear to you,” he said. “I will go with our baby.” As hard as that would be, he would do it. If nothing else, promising her that seemed to calm her down. He just hoped with everything in him the entire conversation would be for nothing.

Two nurses entered the room with consent forms and supplies to prep Helen for surgery. He stood from his place on her bed, “I’m going to step out and call Georgia’s parents so they'll be on the way. I'll take care of work, so don't worry about that. I’ll call the Nanny and let her know that Evie will relieve her as soon as she’s off work. Your Mom?”

“Yeah,” Helen said. “Tell her she doesn’t need to rush to get here, and we'll keep her updated.” Max would most definitely discourage her from rushing over. He would be home for a week, and he saw zero sense in either of their Mothers loitering around until he was safely back at work. Helen and the baby would just have to be the gracious hosts while he and Luna got out of dodge. "You'll need to get our bags and the car seat. Luna's bag is in her closet completely packed. Our bag and the baby's bag are in the nursery next to the car seat." He thought back a few days to when he told her she was packing entirely too early, now he was thankful she did. 

“Everything in Luna's bag? Toothbrush? Anything I need to tell Evie?" 

Helen winced as the nurse inserted the IV, “Yes, her bag is ready. Everything is in there. Except for her bear, do not forget her bear." He made a mental note to mention the bear to anyone who would come in contact with Luna. She didn't sleep without her bear that had been made from some of Georgia's clothes, and neither would anyone else if it was forgotten.

Max leaned down, kissing her, "I love you," he said sweetly. "I'll make those calls and come right back." He exited the room feeling heavier than he had in a while. He was trying not to let her see the worry he was feeling, but he knew it was pointless. All he could think about were things going from bad to worse with Luna's birth, and he was helpless through it all. This time would be different. This time had to be different. 


	4. Chapter 4

** _This is an idea I've had floating around in my mind for a bit now. It's a glimpse into a relationship between Max and Helen and all of the complexities it could bring with it. Nothing between these two will ever be simple, but damn they'd be amazing together. ;-) I don't write often at all, so please keep that in mind, but my ideas for this one carry over several chapters if anyone likes it enough to warrant me finishing. If you're reading this, I thank you! If you don't like it, fair enough, and I thank you all the same! :-) _ **

* * *

Max entered the OR more afraid than he had ever been in his life. Some would say that was hard to believe, considering what happened to Georgia while they were at home, and everything that followed. To him, it made perfect sense. When Georgia had started bleeding that day, he had no idea what was to come. He was well aware of what could happen, the knowledge he had as a doctor told him that, but he couldn’t really know. He couldn’t comprehend the loss he would very soon face. He had taken so much for granted. 

It was different now. He knew _exactly_ what he had to lose if anything went wrong.

It took every ounce of control he had to not start barking out orders the second he walked into the room. This might be a routine procedure for everyone else, but to him, it wasn’t routine at all. His world was on that OR table, and he was struggling to let go and put his trust in other people. He thought he was ready and had been able to put a lot of those fears behind him.

He was wrong.

“Just about to put her spinal block in, Max,” the anesthesiologist said to him. Thompson was the best in his department. He was actually the best Max had ever met. He could never admit that, but Thompson was the only one he’d trust with Helen. “I gave her a fluid bolus before I started. Hoping that’ll ward off any hypotension.”

A nurse directed him over to where Helen was sitting up on the side of the OR table. One look at her, and he knew she was just as scared as he was. Their reasons were slightly different, she wasn’t worried about herself, but he knew she was trying to hide it. Mostly for him. From the beginning, they had both tried to be strong for one another. Max decided that today of all days, it was his turn to be the strong one. “Just stand here in front of her,” the nurse instructed. “Helen, rest your head on Max, and it’ll be over quickly.”

Max kissed her, helping her lean forward until she rested her head on his chest. He felt her body tense when Dr. Thompson made the first needle stick into her back. “Evie left work and is going to pick Luna up,” he quietly explained, doing his best to distract her. “She’s also getting our bags and the car seat. Georgia’s parents will be on the way shortly. I’ve taken care of everything work-related. Oh,” he smiled, kissing her head. “Your Mother is probably waking a pilot up at their home as I speak to get her over here.”

“Max,” Helen whimpered, digging her fingers into his arms, as the anesthesiologist inserted the spinal needle.

Max rested his hand on the back of her head, holding her to his chest, “I’m right here, you’re doing great.”

He wanted to take even the smallest amount of pain from her. She had already been through so much as he watched on unable to do anything to make it better. By Max’s best estimate, it took roughly 150 shots, 220 pills, 20 blood tests and ultrasounds, $30,000.00, 4 heartbreaking phone calls, and more of their sanity than he was willing to admit losing to have this baby. Add their jobs, raising a 3 year old, and the hormonal and emotional tailspins Helen went through month after month due to all of the medications, and Max had no idea just how they’d come out on the other side. Infertility was cruel and unforgiving. After walking that horrible path, he could understand how some couples simply didn’t survive it. 

Every child was a miracle, Luna certainly was, but the mere fact they had made it to this day was the greatest miracle Max believed he’d ever witness.

“Medicine is in, and I’m finished. You should start feeling numb soon,” Dr. Thompson explained. “You did great, Helen! Max, if you’ll just help her lie back on the table, and the nurse will get her a warm blanket.”

Max slowly helped her sit upright from where she’d been leaning on him as OR staff buzzed around them, getting everything ready. “You ok?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Just really nauseated all of a sudden.”

He took a cold washcloth from a nurse who was waiting to spring into action and gently wiped her face. “It’ll pass, it’s just the medicine.”

“You need to move,” she said. “If I throw up, it’s going on you unless you move.”

Max cupped her face in his hands, “You throw up all over me if you need to.” He meant it. The fact she thought he’d care about that was slightly comical. He wouldn’t leave her side no matter what happened.

“Helen, you should start feeling better. The spinal block lowered your blood pressure pretty quickly,” Dr. Thompson informed them. “I just gave you a dose of ephedrine and zofran. I’m also turning your fluids up.” Everything that had been done was exactly what Max would have done, but still, it was hard to remain on this side of things. It was hard to trust other people could handle things just as well, if not better than he could himself. 

Max took his seat next to her head once they got her laid back on the OR table. The staff worked around them in a blur, getting her draped, hooked up to monitors, and everything set up for surgery. “You feeling better?”

“Some," she replied. 

Max felt his phone vibrate and pulled it from his pocket. He smiled, seeing the message, “Your Mom is texting me.” Though he'd never point it out, he knew they would be just as frantic if Luna were across the Atlantic having a baby. 

“Oh, God…” Helen said. He knew if given the choice, his Mother-in-law would have been with them for the past month. There was no way Helen could have endured it. For that reason, she was coming once they were home and settled in. Max understood completely, he was hoping his own Mother wouldn’t get any ideas about hanging around for too long. “Tell her we’ll send updates and pictures as soon as we can. She should just go to bed and get some sleep, it’s late there.”

“You know she’s not going to do that,” Max laughed. “I told her I’d book her flight out, so at least we’ll have some warning. Mine will probably just show up. Though this could get us out of Thanksgiving now.”

"It'll get me out of it," Helen replied. "You and Luna will still have to make an appearance." 

Max looked at her, trying hard to hide his amusement. "What have I ever done but love you?"

Helen smiled, playfully rolling her eyes at him. "As long as your Mother doesn't invite all of New York, we'll go." 

“Hey guys,” the Neonatologist greeted as he came up behind Max to let them know he was in attendance. “Just wanted you to know we’re here. After the baby is delivered, we’ll check him or her out, and if everything is fine, they will be all yours.”

“Thank you for coming,” Max smiled. For all he knew, the doctor had been called in from home, but he’d have to apologize for it later.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Dr. Zaveri smiled.

“Ok, you two,” the Obstetrician said. “We’re ready to get started! How do we want to do this? Do you want me to announce the sex, or do you have another way in mind?”

Max looked down at Helen. They had never discussed this, but he couldn’t imagine finding out a second before she did. “Want her to tell us?”

“Yeah,” Helen replied. “She can tell us.”

“You tell us,” Max relayed to the doctor.

He took hold of Helen’s hand and kissed her forehead as the operation got started. It was hard to believe this was really happening. It had been such a long road, and there was a time he didn’t think this was meant to be. They wanted it so badly, but science was working against them. He was pumping himself up to go down the adoption road when the final embryo transfer had taken. 

“How’s Luna?” Helen asked, worried. “You know she doesn’t do well when her routine is suddenly changed up.” They had been trying to prepare her as best they could, but Max didn’t know exactly how much she understood about the process. He didn’t know if she realized they wouldn’t be home for a few days.

“Luna’s fine,” he promised. Georgia's Mother had more planned for her in their few days together than they had probably done all month. Staying with her Grandparents was anything but boring for Luna. “If it’s not too late after everything calms down, I told them they could bring her up.” He couldn’t wait for her to meet her brother or sister. He never thought she’d have that opportunity. He’d only had a sister for a short while, and all these years later, he still felt that loss. He wanted Luna to have what he didn’t.

“Everything going ok?” Max asked the doctor. He couldn’t help it. It was hard enough staying seated and not being on the other side of the drape.

“Everything is going perfect,” the OB responded. “About to open the uterus now.”

Helen looked up at him, “Any final guesses?”

Max smiled, “I’m going with a boy.” He had thought for most of Helen’s pregnancy that the baby was a boy. Things were just so different from Georgia’s pregnancy with Luna. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter, but he just had a feeling he couldn’t ignore. Plus, most everyone else had voted boy when asked. He felt it was the safest guess. “You?”

“Aren’t I supposed to have an advantage with mother’s intuition or whatever?” She replied. “Because right now, I have no idea.”

“You just don’t want to guess wrong,” Max teased. He didn’t need her answer. He knew by the way she’d been combing through boy names to find the perfect middle name for Lucas that she belonged to the same team.

He started to notice the NICU staff buzzing around and knew they had to be close. “You’re going to feel lots of pressure and pulling, Helen,” the OB warned. “We’re almost there, and everything looks great!”

Max fought the urge to stand up and see what was going on. Instead, he remained seated and kept Helen’s hand in his. He continued reminding himself that he was husband and father today. He wasn’t a doctor or the medical director of the hospital. He could tell by the look on her face that she was uncomfortable as the doctor worked to deliver the baby. “It’s almost over,” he told her. It seemed foolish to say to her. He wasn’t the one having another human being pulled from his body.

“Whoever this is doesn’t have a lot of hair,” the OB said as she delivered the baby’s head. Max could tell they were delivering the rest of the baby by the activity in the room. The Neonatal staff started moving around from where they’d been waiting, hitting APGAR timers, and making sure all of their equipment was at the ready. “Time of birth 4:54pm,” a nurse announced.

Max kept hold of Helen’s hand, as they heard the sweetest cry let out from whoever was on the other side of the drape. He couldn’t stop the tears even if he tried, “You hear that?! Do you hear that?” He leaned down, kissing her as she could do nothing but cry.

“Helen, Max,” the doctor said. “Here’s your baby girl!”

There had been moments of doubt along the way. Doubt Max would have never voiced to anyone; he barely even admitted it to himself. There was a part of him who didn’t know if he could love another child in exactly the same way he loved Luna. He didn’t know if the connection he had with Luna could be replicated with this baby. For a while, it had only been them, and they had survived so much together. The second the OB held the tiny, screaming baby above the drape so they could get the first look at her, every single doubt he ever had disappeared. He was as head over heels in love with their newborn baby girl as he was with the one at home. “I’m going to hand her off to Dr. Zaveri for a checkup, but she looks great!”

Max leaned down, resting his head against hers as they both cried. Words weren’t coming to either of them, but they both understood what the other couldn’t say. All their pain, all their heartache, and all their waiting had finally been rewarded. Their little girl’s continued cries were the most beautiful sound.

“Go,” Helen said tearfully. “Go see her.”

Max kissed her before standing from where he’d been seated and crossed the OR. Despite hearing her continued cries, he could see the NICU staff was busy working on and examining her. He knew what all of their equipment was for, but if handed a newborn baby, he couldn’t make things run as smoothly as the team caring for his daughter could. Not even close.

He watched on as the Neonatologist listened to her heart and lungs as she continued screaming. “Heart and lungs sound great, vitals are all stable,” he explained. “She is a bit small, which isn’t uncommon for 37 weeks, but we’ll watch closely to make sure she maintains her temperature and doesn’t lose too much weight. From a NICU standpoint, she’s perfect, but I’ll follow her during your stay here unless you guys have a Pediatrician you’d rather take over care.”

“No,” Max replied quickly. “We do have a Pediatrician, but we’re fine following up with her after discharge. If you’d continue care while we’re here, that’d be great!”

“Absolutely,” the doctor answered. “It’s no problem at all!”

Max leaned down, kissing the baby’s head as she grasped his finger in her tiny hand. She was here, and she was perfect. This is the way it was supposed to feel when staring at your newborn. “Hey, Beautiful…” he was unable to control his emotions as he took in every inch of her. “You look just like your Mommy.” She had literally been it, the very last shot at having a baby, and he knew the wait had been worth it. Waiting for her was worth every second of that very long, painful process. It was unbelievable to think they had ever lived without her. She fit in their family perfectly at less than 10 minutes old.

“She’s an IVF baby, right?” The doctor asked. "I thought I saw that in Helen's medical history." 

“She is,” Max replied. “It took us over a year. We tried a few months on our own, thinking maybe by some miracle, but it ended up being 5 rounds and the very last embryo we had to transfer to get her.” Saying everything they’d been through aloud always made it even more unbelievable. They’d gotten their miracle, it just took a really long time to get there.

“Wow,” Dr. Zaveri said. “I had no idea. That’s amazing. I’m sure by that point you’d all but given up.”

“I had,” Max said. “I thought we’d just have Luna or maybe adopt, but I never thought in 9 months we’d be here.” Looking back, he wasn’t sure why he was so surprised. His life had been one curveball after the next.

He snapped some pictures of her with his phone, knowing he’d be in trouble if he didn’t get word to their family soon. It suddenly hit him that he had not a single picture of Luna at birth. There was no way he could have, given the circumstances, but he wished he could look back and see how she looked at only minutes old. He waited as the nurse quickly weighed her and saw the weight, 5, pounds 14, ounces, flash on the screen. She was so much smaller than Luna had been.

"Newborn sized clothes may be a bit big on her," the nurse smiled. She footprinted and banded the baby before placing one on his arm to match. "This band lets us know she belongs to you. It matches the one Mom has on as well. Be sure to keep it on until they're discharged." There was little chance of anyone in the hospital not knowing which baby belonged to them, but he understood the process.

Max smiled, unable to take his eyes off her, "I bet Mommy has something that'll fit you. She's only got about 300 outfits waiting on you at home." Although Luna's birth had been very different, he could remember the feeling of awe as he looked at her for the first time. Looking at his newborn daughter, the feeling was the very same. He had no idea how he had helped create something so perfect. "God, she looks just like Helen." 

"I think she does too," the doctor smiled, standing next to the warmer bed. He listened to the baby’s heart and lungs once more, declaring her perfectly healthy.

“Are you ready to take her to see Mom?” The nurse asked, placing a tiny pink hat on her head.

“I am,” Max replied.

“As soon as you guys get a good look at her, I want her skin to skin on Helen’s chest. That’ll help regulate her temperature better than being swaddled in a blanket.” The doctor said. “I’ll check on her when you guys get to recovery.”

Max watched as the nurse swaddled the baby in a blanket and passed her to him. She was so small in his arms. Her little face crinkled up as she started crying at being handed over. “Shhh,” Max said, kissing her head as he made his way back across the OR. “You ready to see Mommy? You’re probably wondering where she went, huh?” Her only response another little cry he didn’t think he’d ever tire of hearing.

The baby continued crying as he took his seat next to Helen once again. “Shhh, here she is, here’s Mommy.” He carefully placed the baby on her chest, supporting her tiny swaddled body as Helen got the first close look at her. “Look what you did,” he said. “She’s perfect.”

Helen smiled through her tears, “We did this.”

Max leaned down, softly kissing her, “We did. We did all 5, pounds 14, ounces of this.”

“I can’t believe you’re a girl,” Helen said, kissing the baby’s nose.

“See, I knew you thought we were having a boy.” Max joked, unwrapping the baby so they could get a better look at her. He held the baby’s tiny foot in his hand. “Look at these toes. She's definitely a Goodwin.”

Helen smiled. “You do have your Daddy’s toes, but that’s ok, your sister has them too.” Watching her with their daughter would never get old to him. It would never be short of amazing. This was the moment his heart had been waiting for. “You have to have a name.”

“It’s whatever you want,” he replied. Now that she was here and he saw everything Helen had been through, there was no way he was going to debate names with her. She had waited so long for this baby, and whatever she decided would be perfect. He knew the name she had at one time thought of for a daughter was off the table. The baby she had once considered adopting had kept that name, and she wanted something unique to their baby. “I’m serious,” he smiled. “It’s all you. We’ll name her whatever you want.”

Helen kissed her head, staring at her tiny face, “Laila….”

“Laila,” Max repeated. Just as he’d known Luna was the perfect name, he now knew Laila was perfect for this baby. He leaned forward, kissing their little girl, “She’s a Laila. Definitely.”

Looking at their baby girl, Max knew he was meant to be the only guy in a house full of girls. Just an hour ago, he thought he wanted a change. He thought it'd be nice to trade some of the pinks for blues, and some of the dolls for cars. Now he knew nothing could be further from the truth. He was so unbelievably happy to have another daughter. 

“I’m not feeling....” Helen trailed off. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “Max, take her.”

Before he could ask what was wrong, he heard the movement of surgical tools and suction being used on the other side of the drape. “I need 0.2mg of Methergine given IM now,” Max heard the doctor say. He knew exactly what the medication was for, and if not holding the baby he would have been up from his seat and on the other side of the drape. “What’s her blood pressure?”

“86/42 with a MAP of 57. I’m hanging another bolus, and her Pitocin is already going,” the anesthesiologist replied.

“Suzanne,” Max said.

“Helen,” the OB said. “You’re bleeding a little more than I’d like, but it’s under control. I’m giving you the medication as a backup to what I’ve already done. You with me?”

“A little lightheaded all of a sudden,” Helen responded.

Max took a deep breath, trying to keep himself under control. He wanted to call in every person he could think of and initiate every protocol the hospital had in place for cases like this, but he knew he had to trust everything was being taken care of. “Helen,” he said. “I know you’re not feeling well, but I need you to stay with me, ok? It’s going to pass, just keep looking at me.”

“Blood pressure 84/40, MAP of 55,” he heard the anesthesiologist say.

“Pressure bag those fluids in,” the OB ordered. “The bleeding is under control, so her vitals should start reflecting that.”

Max kissed her forehead. “You’re doing great,” he said sweetly. “I know you don’t feel good, but it’s going to get better.” If he hadn’t seen such a drastic change so quickly before in his life, he would have been shocked that they had gone from discussing their daughter’s name to him trying to keep her conscious until they could get her blood pressure back up. The worst stuff always happened that quickly. One minute everything was fine, and then it wasn’t.

“Blood pressure up to 90/48, MAP of 62,” Dr. Thompson announced.

Max breathed a sigh of relief. “You feeling better?”

“Not as lightheaded,” she answered, her voice weaker than just a few minutes before. “I’m just really tired.”

Almost as if she were offended that he’d forgotten to ask her, Laila let out a cry. Max gently rocked her in his arms, trying to quieten her down. “You’re ok, Laila. Mommy’s ok. Everything is ok.” He was certain he said that more for himself than anyone else. “You want me to hold on to her so you can rest? I’ll stay right here. Or do you want me to put her on your chest?” ”

“Yeah,” Helen replied. “You aren’t keeping her.”

Max laughed, even feeling the way she was feeling, she still didn’t let him get away with anything. “I’ll give her back,” he said. “Only because you asked so nicely.” He unwrapped the baby girl, leaving her in just her hat and diaper, as the nurse helped him unfasten Helen’s gown. He held the now screaming baby in one hand as he lifted the top of her hospital gown with the other. “Laila, you’re gonna like this, just give me a second.”

The instant she was on Helen’s chest and covered by the gown and blanket, she quietened down. “I hope you’re as tired as I am,” Helen said to the baby as she rubbed her tiny back. “We need a nap. We've been through a lot today, me and you.”

Max smiled, watching as the baby nestled into a little ball, arms and legs curled up against her, and seemed to immediately fall back to sleep. He leaned down, kissing Helen’s cheek, “I love you. So much.”

“I love you,” she sleepily replied.

“Take a nap,” he encouraged. “I’ll be right here. You may as well rest while Suzanne finishes up and closes. I’ll watch her,” he said, knowing she didn’t want to go to sleep for fear something would happen to the baby. “You sleep.” It took no further encouragement as Max saw her eyes finally close. As exhausted as he felt, he knew she was feeling it tenfold.

“Closing up now, Max,” Suzanne said. “She’s not having anymore bleeding, but I’m going to admit her to OB ICU rather than the Postpartum unit for tonight. She’ll be monitored much closer there, and I want you to have that reassurance. I'm also going to put Pitocin in her IV fluids, so she's not going to feel the best tonight.”

Max could never thank her enough. Even though he’d probably sit up half the night watching them both breathe, at least he’d know the nurse would be in often to check on things. He didn't want to see her in any pain, but he wanted her healthy more. “And you’ll check a hematocrit on her?”

“I'll do serial hematocrits through the night,” she answered. “If her count drops too low, we’ll transfuse a unit of blood or 2. I’m hoping that won’t be necessary, but I’ll keep an eye on it.”

He moved the blanket a bit, smiling when he saw Laila sound asleep on Helen’s chest. She was already so content, so aware that’s exactly where she was supposed to be. He was hit by a wave of emotion as he realized, yet again, this was how it was supposed to feel. This is how bringing a new life into the world should be. Looking at their sleeping baby girl, he already couldn’t imagine a world without her in it, and he wouldn’t change a thing if it meant he had to give her back. He’d go through every moment of the nightmare he’d lived again just to see her face. Though she would never be able to understand it, or he able to adequately explain it, she had healed a part of him he thought was forever broken. She was the hope he’d once believed in and had all but given up on.


	5. Chapter 5

** _This is an idea I've had floating around in my mind for a bit now. It's a glimpse into a relationship between Max and Helen and all of the complexities it could bring with it. Nothing between these two will ever be simple, but damn they'd be amazing together. ;-) I don't write often at all, so please keep that in mind, but my ideas for this one carry over several chapters if anyone likes it enough to warrant me finishing. If you're reading this, I thank you! If you don't like it, fair enough, and I thank you all the same! :-)_ **

* * *

It had been a long while since Max had felt the level of exhaustion he was feeling as he entered the hospital with Luna in his arms. It was the kind of exhaustion one feels in their bones. The kind that made it impossible to sleep even if one had the opportunity. He felt as if he was still living one very long, continuous day. Despite all of that, he had never been happier than he was at that moment.

Georgia’s parents had offered to bring Luna by for a visit, saying they’d stay in the lobby, but he couldn’t allow them to do that. Their daughter had died at New Amsterdam, and much like his own parents, it was a painful reminder even seeing the building, much less entering. He understood. His parents had been to visit, but they at least had a new grandchild waiting for them. Georgia’s parents had nothing.

His thoughts were interrupted by Luna continuing to chatter about everything she’d done since her Grandparents had picked her up the day before. It made him tired just listening to everything she’d gotten to do in such a short amount of time. “And….and we went to the toy store, Daddy, and I got 2 dolls. And a bunny for our baby. And then I got ice cream. And some new shoes, but I didn’t wear them here though.” She finally stopped to take a breath, before picking right back up where she’d left off. "I didn't bring the bunny too." 

Max tried to pay them for the gift Luna insisted on buying for the baby, but they wouldn’t hear of it. Moving on with his life wasn’t wrong, he knew that, but he tried to respect the grief he knew Georgia’s parents still felt. He tried to be as sensitive as possible when interacting with them. The grief they carried had no happy ending. There was no moving on for them. A part of him would always grieve Georgia, but he was happy. He was completely in love with Helen and wouldn’t trade the family they had together for anything. The tiny newborn girl upstairs had healed parts of him he thought couldn’t be healed. There was no ending like that for them.

It surprised him when Georgia’s Mother asked about Helen and the baby, congratulating them when he picked Luna up. She had nothing against Helen, and she respected her role in Luna’s life, but she wasn’t a topic often discussed when exchanging Luna. She assured him that while it was still difficult, the baby was Luna’s sibling, and they were happy she now had a sister. It was ironic to Max that he had a better relationship with them now that Georgia was gone, than he ever had while she was alive.

“Hey, Luna,” Max interrupted. He loved hearing about everything she did, but his brain could only process so much information in its current state. “I’m getting Mommy something to drink, do you want some juice?” He also needed the strongest cup of coffee they made.

The little girl stopped talking, thinking about his offer. “And a cookie,” she said. That was Luna. Always figuring out how to get exactly what she wanted and knowing just how to walk him straight into it.

“And a cookie,” he replied. She was going back to Georgia’s parents so he didn’t care about monitoring her sugar intake quite as much. She could bounce off their walls. He entered the coffee shop, putting her down as she ran to the drink case. She stood on her tiptoes, looking at the variety of drinks as if everything in it was an option for her. “What kind do you want? They’ve got apple, grape, orange, cranberry….or there’s milk. You can have milk. Which do you want?”

Luna stood there, thinking it over as if it was the most important decision she’d ever make. “Um,” she said. “I want milk.”

He took the bottle off the shelf, handing it to her as she bounded to the counter to look at the cookies on display. She had so much energy. He recognized the barista on duty as he approached the counter behind Luna. “I need to get 2 of the largest black coffees you have. And a medium Triple Berry smoothie add vanilla protein powder.” He was certain she probably knew Helen’s order before he placed it. “We also have a milk and Luna,” he said. “Which cookie do you want?”

“That one,” she pointed. He looked in the case, knowing exactly which one she wanted. The more sugar the better.

“She wants the one with the pink frosting,” he said.

“We heard the good news this morning,” the barista smiled, entering the order into her computer. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” Max replied.

“Dr. Sharpe was my Mom’s doctor,” she told him. “I can’t say enough wonderful things about her. My Mom wouldn’t be here without her. I’m sure you hear that a lot.”

Max smiled. He understood completely. He wouldn’t be here without Helen either. She’d saved him in so many ways. “I’m kind of crazy about her, so I don’t mind hearing it.”

“That's my Mommy!” Luna said, trying her hardest to see over the counter but being far too short.

“I know it is,” the barista replied, smiling down at Luna. “I’ve seen so many pictures of you in her office, and I have to say you’re even more beautiful in person!” Anyone who entered Helen’s office knew exactly who Luna was. Her artwork and pictures were all over. 

Max smiled, “Can you tell her thank you?”

“Thank you,” Luna said immediately, going back to exploring everything around her.

“I hope you’re getting the baby a smoothie too,” he heard, turning to see Lauren standing next to him. “She’s probably going through withdrawals having her supply cut off so suddenly.” It was a well-known fact around the hospital that Helen had single-handedly kept the coffee shop afloat by the sheer number of smoothies she consumed during her pregnancy. She bought them for herself. He bought them for her. Friends, including Lauren, made sure she had at least 1 a day. Laila was most definitely missing her smoothie. 

Max smiled, paying for the order, “I need to put her some in a bottle.”

“I stopped by while you were gone to get Luna,” Lauren told him. “She was breastfeeding, so I just got a quick peep. I didn’t think it’d be a good idea to interrupt her. I’m totally getting my hands on her before the day ends just so you know.”

He laughed, “I can already tell you that you don’t come between Laila and food.” It had been a lesson he’d learned the hard way. The first of many, he was certain. “Last night, Helen wasn’t feeling well at all, and Laila wanted to eat every 2 hours,” he continued. “And you know Helen, she never complained, but I felt like she needed more rest than she was getting, so I tried to hold her off for a bit….”

“Not a good idea?” Lauren smiled, knowingly.

“She took my head off,” Max told her. “You wouldn’t think a baby her size could get that angry, but let me tell you....” His plan to give Helen more sleep had actually ended in her having to calm Laila down before she could get her to eat. The whole ordeal took twice as long. He was done coming up with ideas. From here on, he’d just do as he was told. “She’s so calm, but when you do something she doesn’t like…”

“Who does that sound like?” Lauren laughed.

“You said it,” Max smiled. He could already see more similarities between Helen and Laila than just physical ones. At not even a day old, their newborn seemed to have her temperament much more than his. All good things, but he knew he wouldn’t be getting anything past her either.

He took the cookie from the barista and handed it to Luna. “You have a tray or something to put these in? Don’t think I should trust the 3 year old to help me get these upstairs.” She’d try her best, but he had a feeling something would end up on the floor before they reached their destination. As long as it wasn’t his coffee.

“So,” Lauren said. “How is she _really_? Because you know she told me she was fine when I saw her.”

The last 24 hours had been difficult. Max wasn’t used to seeing Helen in pain. Even enduring all she had during their struggle to have a baby didn’t seem to phase her physically the way he would’ve expected. The night before had been spent in OB ICU with Helen fighting blood pressure instability, nausea, and poorly controlled surgical pain. The blood pressure instability meant she couldn’t take adequate pain medication. Poorly controlled pain led to nausea. It had been a vicious, sleepless cycle with Laila wanting to eat every 2 hours on top of it. He was so very thankful for their healthy baby, but he’d be lying if he said he wanted to experience it all again. “Better,” he replied, taking the drinks from the barista and ushering Luna out of the coffee shop ahead of him so he could keep an eye on her.

“She’s better,” he said, continuing his conversation with Lauren. “She got a unit of blood in the night, and then another this morning, so her counts look much better now. My parents stopped by earlier, and I helped her get a shower while they kept an eye on the baby." He’d never experienced what it was like for women after giving birth. He never got to see how Georgia would have been physically or how she would have felt in the days after. It had been hard for him seeing Helen in pain she couldn’t brush off like she normally tried to do. “Between the blood, pain control, shower, and her own pajamas, she’s much better this afternoon than she was this morning. This morning I really didn’t think Luna would be able to visit today.”

“A couple units of blood can work wonders,” Lauren said. “You know she wouldn’t have reacted well to not seeing Luna, so I’m glad you didn’t have to go there.” She, of all people, knew how stubborn Helen could be when it came to admitting she wasn’t fine or needed help. "Did Suzanne say what caused this yesterday?" 

It almost made him sick to think about it. They were most likely hours away from a very different ending, and he knew they wouldn't have survived it. They'd made it through a lot, both separately and together, but if anything had happened to their baby girl, they wouldn't have come out of it. He feared that even Luna wouldn't have been enough to pull them out. Not completely. "She didn't tell us at the time," Max said. "But she told us this morning that Laila had her umbilical cord tightly wrapped around her neck 3 times and her body once. Her decreased movement was her getting into trouble."

Lauren's face told her reaction before she said a word. "Max...." 

"I know," he said. "It makes me sick. And I tried to convince Helen everything was fine."

"No," Lauren said. "You don't get to do that. The important thing is she got checked out, and Laila is here now. I knew Helen was worried when I saw her, and she doesn't ignore those feelings. You would have never convinced her that everything was fine, Max. You know that."

Max knew everything she said was true. It would be a long time before he would be able to let it go. He'd probably still beat himself up over trying to convince Helen things were fine when Laila was grown with children of her own. "I just need to get them home where I will know exactly where they are and what's going on. For the next 6 weeks, at least." After that, he knew his worry would turn to how Helen was adjusting being back at work and how Laila was doing at home with their Nanny. Though he told himself he could worry about that later. He had enough on his plate already. 

Lauren smiled, “You think she’s going to give you trouble about maternity leave?”

“I did at first,” Max replied truthfully. “Now, I don’t think she’s going to put up much of a fight.” Once he saw her with their baby, Max knew leaving Laila with the Nanny to return to work was going to be hard for her. It was something she never had to experience with Luna. She would do it, but it’d be difficult, and he was thankful he had 6 weeks before he had to witness it. He could remember how hard it was to drop Luna off at daycare for the first time. “Luna,” he said, noticing the little girl inching further away from him. “Stay over here, please.”

Lauren smiled, watching as Luna hopped back in their direction, taking hold of Max’s hand. “She’s with Georgia's parents until you guys get home?”

Max held onto Luna’s hand as she twirled around where they stood, already bored and ready to get moving. “She is. We should be home day after tomorrow. It’ll probably be that evening, but there’s no way Helen is going to leave her another night, no matter if I think we should or not.”

“Threaten her with your Mom,” Lauren joked.

Max smiled. He was completely aware there had most likely been numerous conversations between Helen and Lauren about his Mother. “Believe it or not, Mom is with her now.”

“I know,” Lauren smiled. “She was there when I stopped by. No arguments going on, don’t worry.”

“She doesn’t feel well enough to argue, or she would’ve never let Mom stay in the first place,” Max replied. Helen and his Mother had never had any arguments, but they weren’t exactly close. Polite, but not close. They respected one another, but that is as far as it went. He’d probably hear about his choice of a sitter while he went to get Luna, but he wasn’t ready to leave them unattended just yet. He would be home for the next week, and then Helen's Mother was coming to stay for 2 weeks. He hoped he would feel comfortable leaving her home alone all day with the baby by then, but he wasn't making any promises. As crazy as he knew it would drive her, he wasn't willing to back down. 

“I’m going to check on things in the ED,” Lauren told him. “If they’re good, I’ll come up if that’s ok.”

Max looked at her. “You don’t have to ask,” he answered. “Of course, it’s ok.” Lauren was different. If not for her, he wouldn’t have Luna, so as far as Max was concerned, she was family.

“Ok,” Lauren smiled. “I’ll see you guys in a bit.” She tickled Luna’s side, getting a giggle from the little girl as she left them to return to the ED.

“You ready?” Max asked Luna. “Go in front of me. We’re going to the elevators. You know the way!” She had grown up in the hospital and could probably navigate it better than most adults. He smiled as she walked in front of him, holding on to her milk and cookie for dear life. He was certain she had seemed so much smaller to him just yesterday.

“I wanna see Mommy,” she whined, knowing they weren't headed in the direction of Helen’s office.

“We’re going to see Mommy,” he told her. “She’s not in her office. She’s upstairs.” That seemed to satisfy her as she continued to the elevator. He was finding it difficult seeing the normal hustle and bustle in the hospital but having no real idea of what was going on. He’d handed things over to Reynolds for the next 10 days and had promised he wouldn’t check in unless summoned. A few more days of having a newborn, and he was certain he'd be too delirious to care. 

“Hold up, Lu,” he said, stopping her from getting on the elevator until everyone exited. They got quite a few smiles and "Congratulations!" from the staff, but fortunately, no-one stopped them. “You want to push the button for me?” He asked as he followed her on the elevator. “We’re going to 9. You know where the 9 is.”

She stood there for a second, looking the numbers over carefully before correctly selecting the button for the 9th floor. The expensive preschool she attended was doing more than he gave them credit for. “Good job,” he said. “I need you to listen carefully, ok?” He was met with wide, curious eyes as she looked up at him ready to listen. “Mommy’s tummy is really sore, so no climbing or sitting on her, got it? You can sit next to her, but you have to be very careful.”

“Why her tummy sore?” Luna asked, immediately looking upset. She was always concerned if she thought anything was wrong with either of them.

“She’s ok,” Max quickly replied. “The doctor had to cut her tummy open to get the baby out, but she’s all better now. She’s just sore, so we need to be careful. Think you can do that?”

Luna nodded, taking a bite of her cookie. “I be careful, Daddy.”

“I know you will,” he smiled. In reality, he could see her climbing on Helen the moment she saw her. The elevator stopped on the 9th floor, and he held the doors open as Luna exited in front of him. She immediately started looking all around, taking everything in. This unit was much more bright and colorful than the places she usually visited in the hospital. “Go that way,” he directed. “Mommy’s room is down that hallway.”

She looked up at him and smiled when they heard a baby crying from one of the rooms they passed. “That’s a baby, Daddy!”

“I hear that,” he replied. She had no idea just how much she was about to hear a baby crying. It was amazing to him that he could already tell Laila’s cry apart from any other baby. He thought he could pick up on that stuff when Luna was a baby because he was by himself. It happened just as quickly this time. “The next room is Mommy’s,” he told her.

Luna stopped, looking up at him as he quietly opened the door, “Go in!” She slowly made her way past him, stopping again before entering the room, looking uncertain about what she’d find. “It’s just Mommy and Nan in there, Lu. I’m right behind you.”

His Mom opened the door the rest of the way, smiling when she saw them. “I thought I heard you out here, Luna!” For once, he was thankful she was there. He watched as Luna took her hand and followed her into the room.

“There’s my girl,” Helen smiled. It was the first true, Helen smile he’d seen all day.

“Brought you something,” he said, placing the drinks on the table next to her bed. He leaned down, kissing her before lifting the blanket to find Laila sound asleep on her chest. “How are you feeling?”

“I'm ok,” Helen said. He could tell that wasn’t completely true, but he knew finally seeing Luna would help.

“They started you on iron 3 times a day?” He asked. Max knew he was driving her and the entire staff of the OB unit crazy, but he couldn’t help himself. “And you’ve been taking an anti-inflammatory even if you don’t think you need it?”

Helen looked at him before he kissed her again, hoping with that she’d go easier on him. “Max, you do realize I went to Medical school just like you did, yes?”

He grinned, “And you realize that no matter what you say, I’m still going to worry about you, right?” Between monitoring her vitals, intake and output, medications, and everything else that went along with the postoperative period, he’d all but done the nurse’s job. If he was going to have any chance of keeping himself remotely sane during everything, he had to know every detail. So far, neither Helen or the staff had thrown him off the unit.

“Suzanne started me on iron 3 times a day,” she finally told him. “And I’m taking everything else that I’m supposed to take. I had a baby via c-section not even 24 hours ago. I’m not completely crazy, Max.”

“No,” he smiled. “You’re perfect.” He kissed Laila’s head as she continued sleeping. “And we know she’s perfect.”

Helen looked at her, smiling as the tiny baby moved in her sleep the second he touched her. “You timed it just right,” she told him. “She just finished eating.”

Max couldn’t take his eyes off the sleeping baby. She was the very best of them both. “I can see that,” he said. “She’s out.” He looked over to where his Mom sat holding Luna. The little girl’s eyes were locked on the baby, but she made no moves to get any closer. She was content to stay with his Mom and very quietly eat her cookie. “You want to come see who Mommy has?”

“Go see,” his Mom encouraged, taking the cookie before standing Luna on the floor.

Max walked over, taking her hand in his and bringing her over next to the bed. The tears started almost immediately as she turned and hid her face against his leg. “Luna,” he said. He didn’t have to look at Helen to know her tears wouldn’t be far behind. “Hey,” he said, picking her up. “That’s your little sister.”

“Mommy is hurt,” she cried, tears pouring down her face.

“No, baby,” Helen said. “I’m not hurt. Max, can you.…”

He sat Luna on the edge of Helen’s bed before picking Laila up off her chest as she buttoned her pajama top. “Luna,” she said sweetly. “Come here.” He cradled the baby against him, covering her with a blanket as he watched Luna slowly crawl up the bed to snuggle into Helen’s side.

“I’m not hurt, ok?” Helen said, wrapping an arm around her and wiping tears from her little face. “I know some of this looks scary, but I promise everything is ok. You’re making me sad being so upset.”

Luna sniffed, pointing to Helen’s IV. “What’s that?”

“That’s an IV,” Helen explained. “You’ve seen these before. You see this tube? It’s connected to that bag and is giving me medicine. The next time you see me, I won’t have it anymore.”

“You tummy is hurt,” Luna replied, still unsure and tearful.

Helen looked at Max, and he could see she was doing her best to keep it together. She kissed Luna on the head. ”My tummy hurts because that’s where they took the baby out. Sometimes babies have to come out that way,” she explained.

Max took a seat on the edge of the bed, holding Laila to him as she continued sleeping and missing out on her sister’s meltdown. “Mommy’s ok, Lu. She’ll be home in just a couple days. As soon as your visit with Grandma and Grandpa is over, she’ll be home.”

That seemed to pacify her as her tears began to dry up, and her eyes landed on the baby once again. “I don’t want you to be upset,” Helen said sweetly. She brushed some of Luna’s blonde curls behind her ear, kissing her on the head. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Luna said, keeping her head on Helen.

Max readjusted the baby, cradling her, as he moved the blanket aside to hopefully distract the little girl. “You see her? This is Laila.” The newborn kept her tiny arms and legs curled up against her as she slept peacefully, not the least bit phased by anything going on. 

They watched as Luna reached out, touching Laila’s tiny hand, smiling when the baby moved it. “Her can come home with us?”

Max looked at Helen, neither of them knowing if they should laugh or cry. She had forgotten her request for a brother and accepted her baby sister without question. “Laila can come home with us,” Max replied. He watched Luna move away from Helen to get closer to the baby, and wasn’t sure why he was so worried about introducing her to her new sibling. Luna was sweet, accepting, and had always adapted well. He knew he worried about her more than he probably should. “You’ll have to show her the nursery you helped get ready. Can you do that?”

Luna nodded. “I wanna hold her!”

Max adjusted Laila in his arms, before carefully pulling Luna on to his lap. Luna wrapped her little arms around the baby as he kept a protective hold on her. It was hard to believe he finally had both girls in his arms. It was even harder to believe that he once worried he wouldn't love them equally. Laila had completely taken over his heart in the same way Luna had. It didn't matter that he'd known one for 3 1/2 years and the other not even a full day. They were both the greatest things he would ever do, and he loved them more than he could ever explain. He kissed Luna’s head, watching as she stared at her sister completely mesmerized.

“What do you think?” Helen asked her.

“I love her!” Luna smiled, kissing the baby on her tiny head. She ran her finger over Laila’s cheek, laughing when the baby let out a squeak.

His Mom made her way over to stand next to them, watching on as Luna bonded with her new sister. She reached out, moving the blanket so she could get a closer look. "Oh, Max, you don't stand a chance with these two..." She was absolutely right. They both had him completely wrapped around their fingers, and he knew there was no point in trying to fight it. 

"That's what I told him earlier," Helen said. "He's done for." 

His Mom smiled as she reached out to touch Laila's foot. "Well, this gorgeous girl was worth the wait. I know it wasn't easy for either of you, but she was worth it." 

"So worth it," Max replied, watching the baby sleep. 

Luna held the baby's hand in hers, smiling any time Laila moved in her sleep. “You the only boy, Daddy!”

Max laughed at Luna’s observation. “I am the only boy now, you’re right.” He wasn’t at all surprised that Luna had made that observation so quickly. Looking down at the little girls in his arms, he knew this is exactly what he was meant to have. He noticed the baby blinking open her tiny eyes as Luna finally woke her, doing her best to adjust to the bright world. “Are you gonna open your eyes? I haven’t gotten to see those very much!”

“She had them opened for Helen just a bit ago while she was feeding,” his Mom informed him. He had no idea how many pictures she’d taken but was thankful she had taken the initiative. “She knows her Mama’s voice,” she continued. “Just since I’ve been here, I can tell she reacts to Helen more than anyone.”

Max smiled down at the baby, “Of course, you’d do that stuff for Mommy. I didn’t talk to you enough?” Just as he had done with Luna, he talked to Helen’s stomach whenever he got the chance. The way Laila would kick when he would talk or sing to her, Max was certain she’d gotten sick of it.

“Hey,” Helen defended. “I worked hard for that baby. I deserve those firsts.”

Max smiled, looking at Helen and finding it hard to believe that he could be more in love with her than he had been just a day before. Seeing how effortlessly she loved both girls meant more to him than she would ever be able to understand. The first time anyone had mentioned him moving on with his life after Georgia died, that was his biggest fear. It almost seemed to hit instantly. He was afraid they wouldn’t love Luna as much as he did. He was afraid they’d always see Luna as someone else’s child. This was before he realized what was right in front of him. As soon as he knew that person was Helen, those fears disappeared. Neither Luna or Laila would ever know just how much they were wanted or loved by her. “You do,” he smiled. “You definitely do.”


	6. Chapter 6

Over the past few years, Max had somehow forgotten how living with a newborn could be. He was certain he’d been in such a fog of disbelief and grief when Luna was first born that exhaustion simply got lost in the midst of it all. So much of her first few months, he couldn’t remember no matter how hard he tried. The things he could remember, he’d rather forget. It was either that or being almost 4 years older was doing a number on his memory. 

It had been 3 weeks since their baby girl entered the world, and Max felt they’d lived a lifetime within those 21 days. Since bringing Laila home at a few days old, their life had been the most wonderful form of exhaustion and uncontrolled chaos he’d experienced in quite some time. Helen, recovering from major surgery, was unable to do most of the things she normally did around the house. Laila stayed glued to her and acted as if she had no idea who he was when he had to do anything for her. If the newborn was taken from Helen, the entire house heard about it. Max would venture to say their whole block probably heard about it. He was trying not to be offended. Luna, adjusting to no longer being an only child and having to share Helen, needed _everything_. By the time Helen’s Mother arrived, it was time for him to return to work.

Though he would never admit it, he already missed his Mother-in-law. He was certain they wouldn’t have survived the past 2 weeks without her. It was always easy to see where Helen got her opinionated nature from, but it was a small price to pay. He was used to living with opinionated women, his youngest daughter not excluded. If Helen would have allowed it, he would have already offered to move her Mother over permanently. She’d left to return home the day before, and though he knew Helen would miss her, he was certain he would miss her more.

It was Helen’s first day at home by herself since Laila’s birth, and Brantley had picked that day to call an emergency meeting with all department chairs about the budget. As Medical Director, Max was required to attend. It was the same corporate bullshit they’d listened to time after time, and nothing ever got solved. They’d argue, people would storm out of the board room, and the meeting would end no closer to a solution than before it started. Only this day, Max didn’t have time to sit and play referee. His wife was at home by herself, 3 weeks post-op from a c-section, with their 3 1/2 year old and new baby. He didn’t want the first day, out of all days, to be the one he was gone for almost 15 hours.

It was almost 10pm when he walked through the front door. Normally, by that hour, he’d come in to find Luna already in bed. Helen would either be finishing up around the house or quietly reading in their bedroom. He rarely came in at this time to find anything going on. Helen had a routine, and they stuck to it. It worked for Luna and they didn’t stray from it regardless if he saw her before bed or not.

As soon as Max stepped inside, he was greeted with what appeared to be every toy Luna owned. They started in the foyer and spread out in every direction he looked. At the end of her pregnancy, it wasn’t unusual for Helen to leave toys for him to pick up, but they’d not been there since they came home from the hospital. It was yet another sign his Mother-in-law was safely back in London. He could hear Luna in the living room singing at the top of her lungs to whatever movie was blaring on their TV. The further he got into the house, he could hear Helen in the kitchen.

He stopped in the living room to find Luna dancing and singing to a movie. She didn’t get a ton of TV time, so the fact Helen was allowing her to watch a movie meant her day probably hadn’t gone as smoothly as he hoped. “Luna,” he said.

She twirled around, “Hey, Daddy!” Normally she came running in his direction the moment she saw him, but tonight she went back to her dance routine without giving him a second glance. Just like their entryway, the living room was covered in toys. He could see a doll in Laila’s baby swing and several of her baby blankets being used to cover Luna’s stuffed animals. Their Christmas tree that Luna had insisted on putting up the previous weekend had ornaments scattered around that she’d either knocked or pulled off.

“Hey,” he said, getting her attention again. “Come in here and start picking up these toys. It’s your bedtime.” He could see the disappointment on her face as she turned from her movie to do as she was told. “You can watch that tomorrow. Pick up all of these toys and take them back to your playroom, ok? When I get back in here, I don’t want to see them still laying all over.” Sometimes she listened, other times she didn't. 

Luna reluctantly started doing as she was told as he made his way to the kitchen. Helen was standing at the sink, Laila in her arms, talking on the phone to someone. “My suggestion is Rituxan 375mg per square meter weekly for 4 doses,” she said. “I think you’d have the most success with that. Hold for WBC less than 1,000, Hemoglobin less than 8, or Platelets less than 20,000.” Max had no idea who was calling her at home while she was on maternity leave to ask questions about work, but he intended to talk to them as soon as got to work the next morning unless she could give him a compelling reason not to.

He walked over, taking Laila and kissing her little face. “How’s my girl? In charge of the entire house, I see.” He smiled down at her as she stretched her little arms above her head and yawned. The difference between her and Luna at the same age was unbelievable. At times, it was hard for Max to think about. He and Luna had struggled so much in the beginning. The baby continued sleeping as he simply stared at her. She seemed to change with each passing day. At first, he only saw Helen when he looked at her, but he was starting to see a little more of himself. “Don’t let me wake you,” he grinned. “I know it’s been a tough day keeping Mommy in line.”

Walking over to the fridge, he opened the door to grab something to drink as Helen continued talking to whoever was on the other end of the line. He had no idea why he was annoyed or who he was even annoyed at. The whole day had been bad, and that was before Brantley. Now he was coming home to find one of his doctors had called Helen while she was out on leave. It never ended.

“I heard,” Helen laughed. “Tired! I’m so tired, but she’s wonderful. There’s a reason people do this in their 20s, but we had to go to Med school and start careers, didn't we?” Max had no idea what it would feel like to have an infant at a time in his life when energy was plentiful. Luna had come along immediately before her Mother died and during his cancer treatments. Laila made her appearance almost 4 years later when they were both knocking on the door of a brand new decade. He had no idea what energy must feel like. “Luna is doing really well with her. You’ll have to visit us soon!”

The list of New Amsterdam doctors it could be was dwindling. There were very few from the Oncology department who would get an invitation from Helen. “Max just got home, so I need to get off of here,” he heard her say. “If you have any other questions, send me a text. I’ll be up with her throughout the night, so I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. You too, bye!”

“Who was that?” Max asked, trying hard to mask his annoyed tone.

“Anita,” Helen replied. “You know her. We were in Residency together.”

“Oh, yeah,” Max said, kissing her as she came to stand beside him. He calmed a bit after getting her answer. As long as it wasn’t a doctor from the hospital calling her. “Sorry that I’m just now getting home. I had no idea Brantley was going to call a meeting until it happened. How did today go? I know we never really got a chance to talk.” He was sure part of his mood was not having her to pop in on throughout the day. Most times, he would stop by her office for no reason at all other than he wanted to see her. No matter how crazy his day might be, she calmed him. She didn’t always have the answer he needed, but she was all he needed.

Helen held one of Laila’s little hands, kissing her on the head. “You should tell your Daddy that Nan stopped by today with lunch, and you screamed at her whenever she tried to hold you.” It didn’t surprise him at all that his Mother had popped by on Helen’s first day alone. Any excuse she could find to happen by, she took it. It seemed that Laila had finally been the common ground Helen and his Mother needed. They had talked more in the past 3 weeks than they had in the entirety of their relationship. “Also, Agnes came by on her day off to visit and bring a gift, and you screamed at her too.”

Max smiled. He had no doubt all of that was true, but it was hard to believe the perfect baby girl in his arms had wreaked havoc most of the morning. “Laila, what are you doing screaming at Agnes?” The younger doctor would probably never want to have children after her visit.

“Who do I give my letter of resignation to? You?” Helen asked, putting the few dishes from the sink into the dishwasher. He watched Luna enter the kitchen and immediately attach herself to Helen, holding onto her leg. She had struggled with having a new baby sister more than he had anticipated. “It’s not typed up yet, but as soon as I get a moment where someone isn’t attached to me,” she said, sweetly rubbing Luna’s back. “I’ll whip something up.”

Max simply looked at her. There was no way she was serious, but he wasn’t willing to put everything on it, given the day he had. "Resignation?”

“From the hospital,” Helen said. “From the profession entirely.” She would never be able to see herself the way he saw her. There had been no adjustment period. Laila was placed in her arms, and it was the most natural transition he'd ever witnessed. Helen had taken to having a newborn as if she had been the one with the experience. His first weeks with Luna were a disaster. 

“Well,” Max replied. “That would be me, but I’m not going to accept it.”

She let out an exhausted laugh. “Max,” she said. “I’m never going to make it back to work. It’s never going to happen. Do you see what I’m wearing?”

He looked at her, confused as to what he was supposed to take notice of. It looked clean. There didn’t seem to be any bodily fluids from either of their children anywhere. He didn’t know what his answer was supposed to be, and he was too afraid to throw something out there with the hope it might stick.

“The same thing I was wearing when you left this morning,” she finally answered. “I haven’t changed out of my pajamas, Max.” She pointed to her face, “No makeup. None. And if you’ll recall, we had 2 visitors today.” That he would never take notice of or care about. She was beautiful no matter if they were going out to dinner or if she was awake at 2am with their baby. “I haven't showered since last night! And to think I seriously considered doing this by myself at one time! You would have never heard from me again! I would have never emerged from my apartment."

Max was doing his best not to laugh as Luna let go of Helen and bounded out of the kitchen. Out of everyone he had ever met in his life, she was the very last person who normally hit this kind of limit. Helen was the collected one who worked well under pressure when everyone else was running frantically. She made sense of chaos. She kept her optimism in impossible situations. He had been an impossible situation she had always been optimistic about. He never thought he would meet anyone who could come close to getting the best of her, but the peaceful, sleeping baby in his arms had done just that.

“I hardly know what day it is,” she continued, growing more worked up by the second. “I did! I thought I had a handle on things, but it was only because my Mum was here! If I could find my phone, I would show you that I have reminders for everything in it.” He didn’t have the heart to point to the phone she’d just placed on their kitchen counter. “I have reminders to send Luna’s lunch or when she needs to take her library book back to school.” None of that seemed odd to Max, but he knew that Helen was always on top of everything. Reminders were insulting to his wife. “I have alarms! I have alarms set, so if I happen to fall asleep for 5 seconds during the day, I won’t miss the Nanny dropping her off after school."

Exhaustion was getting the best of him too. He was forgetting meetings, snapping at Dora more than usual, and walking around feeling as if he might collapse at any moment. He was feeling all of that, and he hadn’t just given birth or been solely responsible for 2 little ones all day. “Helen….”

“It’s never going to happen,” she said. “Right now, I can’t even think about it, but I have 3 weeks, Max. I have 3 weeks to convince Laila that everyone else isn’t awful, and it’s ok if she detaches herself from me for just 10 minutes! I’m not asking for miracles, just 10 minutes!” He couldn’t argue her on that. Laila was only truly content with Helen. She screamed with his Mom, her Mom, their Nanny, and any company that had come to see her. Max was pretty sure she only tolerated him.

Before he could respond, she was off on another tangent. “And I call Mum to tell her all of this, thinking she might have something supportive to add, and she felt it’d be helpful to point out that if I lived back home, I’d have a year off,” she said. “But instead, I had to come here and fall in love with an American and have a little half American baby with him….”

“Wait a second,” Max said, stopping her. “I’m the “American” now?”

Helen waved his comment off, “Mum loves you. You know that.”

“No,” he said, slightly amused. “I could say the same thing. I fell in love and had a little half English baby with you, and you don’t see my Mom making comments!”

“It’s not the same, and you know it,” Helen popped back. “And are you really painting your Mother innocent here, Max?”

He smiled, deciding to let the conversation go before he dug himself a hole he couldn’t climb out of. “Ok. Let’s talk about this,” he said. He’d known Helen for a long time and had never seen her quite the way she was at the moment. “First of all, you have as long as you need. There isn’t a single thing that says you have to be back to work after 6 weeks. You don’t have to go back at all if that’s what you want. I know I said I wouldn’t accept your resignation, but if being home with Laila is what you want.…”

“Obviously, I want to go back to work,” she interrupted.

“It doesn’t have to be after 6 weeks,” he repeated. “If you need longer, you have longer. All you have to do is tell me that.” 

“I already have appointments being scheduled,” she said. “They are expecting me back the Monday after Christmas. You can look for yourself, I have appointments on the book that day.”

Max sighed. “Why are you looking? I’m the only person who needs to know your business. I’ll tell them to reschedule those patients with other Physicians. The same thing we did when she was born, you had appointments then too. Helen,” he said, walking over to stand in front of her. “Look at me.”

The moment she looked at him, he could tell she was holding back tears. “I think if you’ll take this deadline off your head, you’ll see things aren’t as bad as you think they are.” Compared to his first days with Luna, she made the whole thing look easy. He hardly knew how to change a diaper when he brought Luna home by himself. He didn’t have a sitter lined up, nor did he know daycare wouldn’t take a baby until a certain age. He had known nothing, and felt as if Luna had paid the price.

He wrapped his arm around her, nestling Laila between them. “You aren’t giving yourself any credit, and you’re doing amazing. I know you are because I’ve been there, and that was minus the whole giving birth thing, breastfeeding this little barnacle,” he grinned, using a term he’d gotten from her. “Or keeping up with Luna, who we both know, has more energy than half of this city.”

"Did I tell you I walked in on her trying to pick Laila up out of her swing?" Helen asked. "I stopped her just in time, but if Bloom pages you saying we're in the ER, just know Laila probably got dropped on the hardwood floor."

Max couldn't even think about it. There was never a dull moment with Luna around. "I'll talk to her. Again." It wasn't the first time she'd tried to pick the newborn up since they'd been home from the hospital. 

"She was just trying to help," Helen said. "Laila was crying, and she thought she'd get her out to help me while I was gone to the bathroom for 2 minutes tops, and...I just really need Mum to come back. Don't you dare repeat that to anyone." She rested her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. “I’m supposed to be the rational one. Not you.”

He kissed her head, “Well, I am American.”

“Shut up,” she laughed.

He pulled away, still cradling a sleeping Laila in his arms. “Go take a shower, and I’ll put Luna to bed.”

Helen hesitated, looking at Laila, “She’s going to be hungry in just a few minutes. I’m surprised she hasn’t already woke up.”

“She’s asleep right now,” Max replied. “Go. I’ve got her.”

"Luna's had a bath and brushed her teeth," she explained. "I just never made it to actually put her to bed. She hasn't had a story yet...." 

"Helen," he said. "Go." 

Without being told again, Helen left him standing in the kitchen with a sleeping Laila who he hoped would stay that way until she was finished. He could hear Luna in the living room playing again as he started turning lights off downstairs. “Lu,” he said. “It’s time for bed, let’s go!” Looking around, Max estimated she might have cleaned up 4 or 5 toys, but it was too late to worry about it. 

The little girl hopped past him, slowly climbing the stairs as he followed her with Laila in his arms. He made a mental note to finish turning everything off downstairs once Luna was asleep, and Laila was back with Helen. “It’s late,” he told Luna. “You can pick a book, but make it a short one.” He followed Luna into her room and watched as she went straight for her bookcase. Picking a book for Luna was never an easy task.

Max sat down on the bed and noticed Laila starting to wake. He helped Luna climb up next to him, taking the book from her as she settled into bed. The baby in his arms made her seem so much bigger. She seemed to instantly lose all of the things that made her so tiny in his eyes as soon as Laila arrived. It was times like this when he saw her tuck herself into bed and open the book to look at the pictures that he wished Georgia could see her. The amount of time they’d gotten together simply wasn’t fair.Seeing how attached Laila was to Helen was a reminder of what Luna never had. 

Laila started crying as he sat next to Luna, watching as she looked at all of the illustrations in her book. “Shhh,” Max said to the baby. “No crying during story time.”

“Her wants Mommy,” Luna said, shrugging her little shoulders as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“I know she does,” Max said. “But, Mommy is taking a shower right now.” He attempted to offer the crying baby her tiny fingers, hoping she’d be satisfied to use those as a pacifier until she could be fed. If Helen found out about it, he’d probably wish he’d just let her scream. "Mommy told me you tried to pick her up today," he said. 

"Yep," Luna popped back immediately. "Her was crying, Daddy."

Max did his best to keep a straight face. "I know, Lu, but you need to wait for me or Mommy to pick her up, ok? If you accidentally dropped her, she could get hurt. You understand? You won't try to pick her up again?"

"I won't," Luna replied. He had his doubts she meant it, but he'd have to take her at her word. 

“She needs a diaper change,” he told Luna. “You stay here and look at your book.”

Before he got out of the room, he noticed Luna on his heels. “I come too, Daddy.”

Max shook his head, not even bothering to argue as he entered Laila’s nursery. He laid the angry baby on the changing table and unfastened her sleeper. “Hey, Lu,” he said. “Can you hand me the baby wipes?” He quickly removed the diaper, taking a wipe from the package Luna was holding and cleaning the baby as she continued crying. “One more,” he said to Luna.

“Yuck!” She said, crinkling her little nose and dramatically holding the wipe out away from her.

Max smiled, “You know I used to do this very same thing to you when you were a baby. And it was yuck then too!”

“Did I want Mommy?” It was such an innocent question. She had no idea the way her life had started out. He was certain, in her mind, everything she saw Laila do she believed she once did. She couldn’t understand that Helen hadn’t always been there. She saw no differences. If asked, Luna would tell you that she looked like Daddy, and Laila looked like Mommy. It was so simple to her. It was exactly the way it should be. Still, it broke his heart, knowing that one day she would understand. One day there would be a void where Georgia once was.

“I think you probably did,” Max replied, honestly.

He picked the tiny baby up off of the changing table, kissing her head as he cradled her against his chest. “It’s all done, Laila. All over with.” At times, he felt guilty for feeling more patient with Laila. Her cries weren’t so deafening. The sleep he lost with her didn’t matter quite as much. He looked at her and saw the perfection he and Helen had created. He’d sit and stare at her, picking out everything that came directly from Helen and the very few things that came from himself and felt as if his heart would explode. There had never been a single moment in the 3 weeks she’d been in their lives that he felt anything other than an overwhelming sense of love when he looked at her. 

The guilt came when he remembered how painful Luna’s newborn days had been. He loved her more than she would ever be able to understand, but he had struggled so badly. Her cries were exhausting. The sleep he lost mattered more because he was alone. She was the greatest thing he’d ever seen while being the most painful reminder. There were times he felt her being the spitting image of Georgia was yet another cruel joke the universe was playing on him. It was a while before he saw the blessing in that. The guilt he’d struggled with since Laila’s birth was something he knew he desperately needed to work through.

The baby continued crying at the top of her lungs as he got Luna tucked into bed. “How about you pick a movie instead of reading a book, I don’t think Laila is going to be quiet.” Her eyes instantly lit up at the idea of getting to fall asleep to a movie. “Which one do you want?”

“Cinderella!” She said immediately.

Max loaded the movie up, setting the timer on the TV in her room so it’d turn off shortly. He took a seat on the edge of her bed, holding a still screaming Laila to him as he leaned down and kissed Luna on the head. “I love you,” he said, feeling little arms around his neck. “See you in the morning!”

“See you in the morning,” she repeated, smiling as she settled down into bed. He held the noisy baby down to her, watching as she kissed Laila. “Night night, Laila.”

He turned the lamp next to her bed off, leaving a small nightlight on, and exited the room. He quickly made his way downstairs as Laila got more angry by the second. He would never rush Helen through the only time she got to herself, but he was hoping she’d come to his rescue soon. Max entered the living room, the only light the soft glow of their Christmas tree, and continued walking Laila around. “Hey, you,” he said sweetly. “You’re gonna make it until Mommy finishes taking a shower. I know you don’t believe that, but I promise you will.” He had no idea why he was trying to convince the newborn of anything. She was a tiny version of Helen and had been done with his nonsense for the past 20 minutes.

Max walked over to the Christmas tree, looking at the ornaments higher up, safe from Luna. He was drawn to one that contained a photo of the 3 of them from last Christmas. They’d spent it in London visiting Helen’s family, and Luna had the best time. To an outsider, they looked happy, but Max knew they were both still reeling from the 4th round of IVF that hadn’t worked a couple months prior. They did their best to make sure Luna had a great Christmas, but he could remember the pain every time they saw a baby or were asked about a sibling for Luna. People meant well, but it hurt like hell.

“We never thought we’d have you this year, you know it? You surprised us a few months later.” Now that he knew her, he wasn’t at all shocked that she was the embryo to make it. She was nothing if not persistent. “Mommy and I are so tired but you’re the only thing we wanted last year. Even when all you do is scream at us!”

Max continued looking at the ornaments while Laila voiced her displeasure at the situation she was in. “We got this one at Disneyland,” he told her. “We went for Luna’s 3rd birthday, and you were there, but we hadn’t known about you for very long.” Helen spent most of that trip battling horrible morning sickness but had refused to cancel and disappoint Luna. “We’ll have to go back, so we can take you. Oh, and this one Mommy and I got on our honeymoon to Seychelles. I’m not much of a beach person, but I gotta say, Laila, that was a good trip.”

“Are you seriously boring her with stories of our honeymoon?”

Max turned, relief washing over him the moment he saw Helen. “Our honeymoon was anything but boring,” he said, handing Laila over to her. “I can give numerous examples to support my case.”

Helen playfully rolled her eyes, “I’ve never regretted marrying you, and I just had your baby. Does that help your ego?”

Max kissed her, “It’s a start.”

Helen got comfortable on the sofa, doing her best to calm Laila before trying to feed her. “It’s so bad, I know,” she said to the baby. “You haven’t eaten in 3 hours, that’s practically all day!”

Max laughed. He walked over, sitting down on the sofa next to Helen as she placed her legs in his lap. He reached out, taking hold of Laila’s hand. “How come Mommy can make fun of you? I’d be in so much trouble.”

“He just doesn’t understand,” She smiled at the baby, holding her snugly against her chest. “No, he doesn’t.” The baby started to quieten down the moment she realized she was with Helen. “You get so mad,” Helen laughed. "I know you're a Goodwin, but you don't have to behave like it!"

“Oh, please!” Max laughed. “That's all Sharpe and you know it!” He watched as the baby snuggled into Helen, finally calming enough to start eating. There was a connection between them that he would never have and that Laila clearly needed. It was his favorite thing to witness between Helen and their baby, but it was a sad reminder of what Luna didn’t have at that age. "You're so amazing with her," he said, becoming serious. "I know you're exhausted, but you never let that come across when taking care of her." He had been able to do it this time around, but Luna experienced a very different Max when she was Laila's age.

Helen smiled down at the baby, "Max, I've never seen you anything other than patient with both her and Luna." 

There was so much even she didn't know. He had told her things he had never told anyone, but some he just wanted to forget. He thought he had been able to put it all behind him. "You didn't see Luna's first couple months." 

"No, I didn't," Helen said. "So, tell me. You've certainly earned it. I think you've been through more than any husband should these past 3 weeks." There were things he knew she could never understand, no matter how much he tried to explain them. He was thankful she couldn't understand it. He hoped she never had to understand it. No matter what she believed, there wasn't a single moment in the weeks after Laila's birth that he wasn't thankful for. Helen crying over anything, worrying about every ounce Laila lost or gained, and her physical recovery meant she was here. Those things meant this time had been different. It was exhausting, and at times he had no idea what to do or say to make her feel better, but he'd been thankful for all of it.

"Helen," he said. "There's not a single thing over the past 3 weeks that I wouldn't go through a hundred more times for you. You know that."

"I do know that," she replied. "And I love you for it, but stop trying to change the subject. What's going on in there?"

“I've just been thinking a lot about when I brought Luna home from the hospital,” he began. “I was in such a fog. I couldn’t believe everything that happened, I couldn’t believe I had a child, I couldn’t believe I had to do it alone…with cancer…” He tried not to think about those early days. The feeling he had when he walked through the door and realized he was truly alone was the lowest point in his life. “I didn't want to do it. I love Luna more than anything, but I didn't want to do it alone. That wasn't the plan." 

Helen remained quiet, simply listening as Laila fed.

He held himself together as he continued. “Luna’s first few weeks weren't good. They were actually a nightmare, if I can even say that. She screamed constantly, and no matter what I tried, nothing worked. I’d walk her, rock her, read to her, sing to her, and still….screaming. Constant screaming.” His and Georgia’s Mothers had tried to help. Despite their own grief, they each begged him to come to their homes so he’d have help. He had stubbornly refused, telling them he had to learn to stand on his own. In reality, he couldn’t allow anyone to see how broken he was. He couldn’t allow them to see that he wasn’t happy to be alive.

There were nights he wished they had all died in the crash. Nights he wished it had been him in Bloom’s place, and that he would have died in the street before help arrived. She didn’t deserve the injuries she’d sustained and the recovery she’d suffered through. There were nights he was angry that he and Luna had survived when Georgia didn’t. Georgia could have done it on her own. He’d been preparing her for that possibility for months. Being a single Father had never once entered his mind. One of the only things he could find to be grateful for was Helen’s life being spared. He knew he didn’t give her any reason to believe it in the months after the accident, but he was always grateful she had walked away from it. “I was such a mess that I thought I was her problem, you know? I thought she could sense my grief and emotions and that she was reacting to that.”

He reached out, running his finger along Laila’s little arm, so thankful she would never know him as he had once been. “One night it was really bad, so I just put her in her crib. I thought keeping her away from me was better. She cried for over an hour, and I never got up to get her. I let her stay in her crib and cry herself to sleep. I thought that was better than whatever I was doing to her.”

Helen listened, wiping tears, and trying not to fall apart at what he had to say. There was nothing but love for him on her face. There was no judgment. She didn’t have to say a single word for Max to know that. Thinking about allowing his infant daughter to cry herself to sleep night after night was shameful, but he only saw understanding from Helen. “That’s how our nights went for the longest time. I’d try to get her to sleep, sometimes it worked, but most nights she cried herself to sleep.”

It sounded so horrible saying it aloud, but it was his truth. It was what he was dealing with now that Laila was here. He hadn’t expected her to bring those emotions with her, but she had, and the only way he saw to get through them was to finally be honest. “And then I see her,” he finally had to stop, unable to keep his emotions in check.

“Max,” Helen said, taking his hand in hers.

“I see her,” he repeated. “And she’s so content. I didn’t think about it at first, but then it hit me that she’s so attached to you because she hears your heartbeat and recognizes your voice, and then I realized that’s what was wrong with Luna.” He had realized it in the middle of the night during their hospital stay when nothing he tried calmed Laila down. The second she was on Helen’s chest, she stopped. It had been something so obvious, but something he’d never allowed himself to think about. “Luna was grieving in her own way, and I didn’t see it. She had lost everything familiar to her, and I didn’t even see it. I was too consumed by my own grief.”

He could tell Helen had no idea what to say. He didn’t mean to make her cry, but he never wanted her to wonder why it was so easy for him to hand Laila over to her. He never wanted her to think he was putting less effort in with Laila than he had with Luna simply because he wasn’t carrying it alone. In truth, he still felt inadequate when it came to their children. He loved them more than anything, but he still felt like he was missing something they needed. “Looking at her, all I see is us. I see all those months of hearing it didn’t work, and the one time it finally did. I see us,” he continued. “And I love it. I look at her, and I see what we did, and I see how perfect she is, and I’m just so….happy. I didn’t feel that way about Luna.”

“You did,” Helen said, wiping her tears. “Before everything happened, you felt that way about Luna. I know you did because I saw the way you talked about her before she was born. You feel that way about her now. You can’t blame yourself for how you felt buried in grief. I can’t imagine having Laila without you.” Max had no idea how she always managed to do it. She could take his jumbled mess of feelings and make perfect sense of them. “The thought of not having you terrifies me. It absolutely terrifies me, and every 6 months, I hold my breath until your scans come back clean. I’m an Oncologist! I know how well you’ve done, but I can’t help that fear.”

They rarely discussed his history of cancer. He had no reason to think his next set of scans would be any different from the last, but it was always looming. The fear that something would happen to him leaving her with their girls. “Helen….”

“The worry is always there,” she said. “It will probably always be there, but I know if anything happened, the only way I’d survive is because I watched you survive. You don’t give yourself enough credit. Luna is the bright, brilliant little girl she is because of you. She’s never going to remember those nights. All she knows is how much you love her. Look, Max, I wish you had never gone through any of that...." 

“No,” he said quickly. “Helen, I don’t want you to think….” There was a time he didn’t believe someone could truly love 2 people at once. Then he lost Georgia, and despite the pain and heartache he suffered, he wouldn’t go back. He couldn’t. A part of him would always love Georgia, but there was no way he could ever give Helen up. Not even if it meant he’d have his old life back. The man who stood in the doorway of that OR and looked on in disbelief as he was told everything had been done that could be done no longer existed. The man he was now only existed because of Helen, and he was so in love with her that it scared him at times. It scared him because he knew there would be no surviving without her.

“I don’t think that,” she replied, knowing exactly what he was trying to say. “I know you love me, Max. I never doubt that, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m sad about everything you and Luna lost that day. I’m sad while knowing I wouldn’t have this baby if that day never happened. I wouldn’t have you if that day never happened. As much as I hate what you both went through, I couldn’t give Laila back, Max. I couldn’t give you back.” He’d spent so much time focused on how he felt, that he never really thought about Helen’s feelings through all of the recent changes. “That doesn’t mean it’s easier to accept what happened to you. I wouldn’t give you and Laila up for anything, but I also wouldn’t have chosen any of this for you,” she continued. “I just have to believe this is bigger than both of us. I have to believe I was always supposed to meet the annoyingly optimistic guy who somehow figured out how to make me remember why I loved medicine. You changed my life, helped me find myself again, and I have to believe we were always supposed to have her.”

Max could no longer hide his emotions. The one thing he was absolutely certain of was the baby in her arms. He leaned over from where he was seated and kissed Laila on the head. There was so much he didn’t understand and would never understand. The fact the tiny, perfect being in his wife’s arms existed wasn’t one of those things. “She was meant to happen from the second we met, Helen. You know I believe that.”

He’d been drawn to her from the moment they met in the lobby of New Amsterdam. She wasn’t interested in giving him the time of day, while he wanted to know everything about her. He knew in those first couple seconds, that underneath her very polished exterior, was one of the kindest people and doctors he’d ever have the privilege of knowing. As innocent as it had been at that time, he had no idea why he was so interested in having her in his life. He had no idea why he had hoped against all hope that she'd come back within that 48 hour time frame he'd given her. Now he understood.

Helen moved from her place on the sofa as Laila finished eating to sit next to him. He wrapped his arm around her, content to hold them. She knew he didn’t need to hear how wrong he was. He didn’t need her to list countless reasons why he was a wonderful husband and father. Helen knew he just needed to hold them, their closeness reassuring him he wouldn’t go through his past again. She wasn’t going anywhere, and his life was different now. He and Luna survived that nightmare.

He heard the little noises their newborn was making as she slept on Helen and knew everything he’d been through had been worth it. Everything had led to her. She was living proof of his survival; created from a love that had literally saved his life. Helen passed the baby to him, and for one of the rare times since her birth, he felt her tiny body snuggling into his. “This could make anything better!”

Helen rested her head against him once again, “She’s good at cuddling.”

“She is,” Max smiled, resting his head against Laila’s. “It's about time! I’m always being slighted by you and your sister. Mommy too, honestly.”

Helen laughed, “My God, Max, you are not!” 

“I am," he grinned. "The very first time I met your Mommy, she couldn't have cared less about anything I had to say. She didn't even bother to come to my meeting, Laila. She threw her coat at me." Thinking back on that meeting had always been amusing. Especially once he got to know Helen and realized she would do anything for someone she cared about. 

"I did not throw my coat at you," she defended, laughing as their banter continued. The sleeping baby curled against his chest was completely unbothered by it. "I handed my coat to you."

"If that's what she wants to call it," he teased. These moments with her showed Max just how truly lucky he really was. Life had not always been kind, but in the midst of it all, he'd met and gotten to marry his best friend. "She also invited me to the Tavern for lunch and promised to pick up the check. It's been 4 years, and I'm still waiting on that!" 

Helen laughed as she pulled his face closer to hers. "We can go to the Tavern," she said, kissing him. "But it's on you." 


	7. Chapter 7

_This is the last chapter of my story, and as sad as I am to part ways with this little family, I hope those who read along enjoyed it. Thank you so much for all of the love and kind feedback you've shown me along the way. I sincerely thank you! _

* * *

** _6 Months Later…_ **

The sounds coming from downstairs were proof of just how different this day had become. It was a good thing, Max couldn’t be happier, but it was always a bit surreal to live it while looking back at just how far they’d made it.

There was a time days like today would have never happened. He would have never been able to open their home to friends and family for a celebration like the one that was currently taking place. He would have never chanced anyone seeing that vulnerable side of him that often came out around this time of year. Luna had been so happy, loving all of the attention, and that was truly all that mattered to him. She had been so excited for this day, talking about it for weeks with a level of enthusiasm he could only wish to have. It was the first year she really seemed to understand it was a day all about her. She didn’t understand it was also the anniversary of everything that had gone wrong 4 years ago. As hard as the memories could be, Max made a promise to always keep this day a happy one. Luna deserved nothing less.

He opened the door to the nursery, smiling the second he saw Laila in her crib quietly entertaining herself with the stuffed bunny she loved _almost_ as much as Helen. The past 6 months had gone by so quickly, and the baby girl in front of him had seemed to grow much faster than her older sister. Max was certain it was the haze of grief he lived in for Luna’s first months of life, but everything with Laila was happening at an accelerated rate. The exhausting newborn days seemed to last forever and then suddenly, she was smiling, cooing, and learning something new every day. She was now 6 1/2 months old, and her latest milestones were starting solid foods, sitting up all by herself, and babbling what Max was convinced was her version of his name. Nothing could convince him it was simply unintelligible baby babble. Their baby girl was pure joy, always smiling, and she had brought more happiness to their family than he ever thought possible.

Watching the baby grow and change along with the other person responsible for her was something he would never take for granted. He knew what it felt like to be truly alone. The first smile, the first time she cooed in response to them, the first laugh, the first time she rolled over by herself….it was all amazing. It was even more amazing seeing Helen’s face and knowing she felt the very same excitement. He could remember excitedly looking up to an empty apartment when Luna’s first few milestones happened, forgetting for only a split second, and the reality that always came crashing down immediately. It made him dread things he should have looked forward to.

Max reached out, softly touching her shoulder, smiling as she turned her little head in his direction, trying to see who was behind her from her position on her tummy. “Hey, Pretty Girl!” He kept a hand on her, laughing as she excitedly kicked her chubby legs the moment she realized it was him. Her little smile reached her eyes, his and Luna’s eyes, as she giggled in response. It was impossible to be in anything other than a good mood around her. She was the sweetest, happiest baby he had ever known. “Hey, Laila,” he said sweetly, lifting her out of the crib and into his arms as he kissed her head. “Did you have a good nap?”

He took a seat with her in the rocking chair as she rested her little head on his shoulder. Days like Luna’s birthday made him realize just how precious moments like these really were, and rushing back downstairs to the party didn’t seem quite so important. “Bad news,” he smiled. “Mommy said no cake.” He kissed her forehead as she started sucking her thumb. “I know, I know,” he grinned. “I really tried, but she said not until your birthday. I saw her making some avocado for you earlier, so that’s good news, right?” It was hard to believe they’d already had her for half a year. As bittersweet as it could be dealing with the girls growing so fast, Max was looking forward to celebrating Laila’s birthday the way a 1st birthday should be celebrated.

Luna’s 1st birthday had been one of the hardest days of his life, and when he looked back, he was relieved she would never remember it. He could recall dancing between some strange form of denial and dread in the weeks before, but neither could have prepared him for just how difficult it would be. Much to the disappointment of his and Georgia’s Mothers, there had been no party. There had been no presents. He had requested neither of them visit. His plan was to spend her birthday as he would any other day off work; ignoring the truth as best he could. In the end, he had taken her to the park and stopped on the way home for a cupcake. He’d watched her smear cupcake all over her face and then put her to bed a whole year older, promising himself her 2nd birthday wouldn’t be the same way.

Max put his focus on moving forward and becoming someone she could one day grow to be proud of. He had struggled to find a new normal for them that didn’t include Georgia. He had struggled to accept she was really gone, and it was up to him to make a life for their daughter. He had spent so much time pushing everyone away that when he was finally ready, most everyone had stopped trying. They had accepted he didn’t want their help and had given him the space he had so confidently claimed to want. When he finally stopped and looked around, it was really no shock at all that he found the one person he would never be able to survive without.

He had tried so hard to push her away, but she had never left. Helen had stayed and dealt with whatever he tossed her way, knowing him far better than he knew himself. He needed her. It was that simple. There was no way he would have made it through all of the grief and change without her. There was no way he would be the man or father he was today without her. She had loved him when loving him was probably the hardest thing she would ever do, and he would spend the rest of his life, making sure she knew how thankful he was. She had given him their baby girl and loved Luna as her own. She had given him a family. In so many ways, Helen had given him a second chance at a life he thought was over.

His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening, and the smile that suddenly appeared on Laila’s face was all he needed to see to know who had just entered the room. Nobody, not even Luna, could get smiles from her the way Helen could. There was no denying the baby in his arms loved her Mommy more than anyone else in her little world. He understood.“Is that Mommy?” he asked her, her excitement at seeing Helen one of his favorite things. “Is that Mommy?!”

“I should’ve known your Daddy would decide to hide out in here,” Helen said, holding her hands out to take Laila from him. Without hesitation, Laila lunged in her direction from her place in his arms. “Yes! I knew your Daddy would be hiding out in here!” Without saying another word, she took a seat on Max’s lap with the baby in her arms. “He’s not going to hide if I can’t do the same!” Laila laughed as Helen kissed her on the nose, her tiny hands holding onto either side of Helen’s face. “No, he isn’t!”

“Da…da…da…da…” Laila babbled, chewing on her fingers.

“That’s right,” Max smiled. “Da-da!”

“Ma-ma,” Helen told her. “Not Da-da. Say Ma-ma.”

“Da…da…da…” Laila smiled, laughing as Helen tickled her stomach. Hearing her little voice was everything.

Max wrapped his arms around them, as Helen sat quietly holding Laila. He knew they had to get back to their guests soon, but he just needed a moment. Most of his day had been spent being the version of himself that made everyone else comfortable. All of their friends and family knew the memories this day brought, and they all meant well, but there was a certain expectation even if none of them realized it. It was a happy day. It was Luna’s day, and the memories full of grief were expected to take a backseat. It wasn’t that way with Helen. It had never been that way with Helen. She knew how much he loved her and their family, but she also knew a very small part of him would always remain in that moment 4 years ago. That part of him had become smaller over time, but he would never completely be able to leave it behind. “I was thinking maybe everyone would leave while I was up here….”

“Ha,” Helen said sarcastically. “I was actually coming to get you. Georgia’s parents are about to leave.” As he had done in previous years, Max planned on Luna visiting them for a weekend near her birthday so they could have their own celebration. It had shocked him more than anyone when her Mother asked if they could attend Luna’s birthday party. They had always been welcomed to anything involving Luna, but Max knew it was simply too hard for them. It was too hard a reminder seeing all of the things their daughter never would. “Hopefully, everyone else follows them,” she joked. “We fed them lunch, but I didn’t promise anyone dinner.”

Max laughed as she stood and made her way across the room to the changing table. He had no idea just how many hours Helen had spent working out the details of Luna’s birthday party, and it had gone off flawlessly, but he knew his wife was over it. She was as ready for the peace and quiet of a night in as he was. The second she placed Laila on the table, the baby started to fuss, knowing exactly how to turn her tears on and off when she didn’t like something. She hadn’t yet learned it didn’t work on Helen quite the same way it worked on him. “I don’t want to hear it!” Helen tickled the baby’s tummy, and the tears instantly turned to laughter, “No, I don’t! You know the drill! You cannot stay in an icky diaper!” She made quick work of changing the baby, passing the soiled diaper his way so he could dispose of it as she redressed Laila.

“We’ll have to see what new toys Luna has for you to get into,” he said, smiling as he took the baby back from Helen. “I saw some things you’ll like! She got some blocks that have your name all over them….”

Helen took hold of her little hand, “Your Daddy is going to get you in trouble, Laila. Don’t listen to him.” Luna was the best big sister, and most times, she was patient when it came to Laila getting her hands on things that didn’t belong to her, but any new stuff was often off-limits. It would only get worse the more mobile the baby became, but Max would be lying if he said he didn’t find it amusing. He considered it good practice for when they had teenage girls fairly close in age fighting over belongings and space. “Mommy will be home with you all day on Monday, and Luna will be at school. We’ll explore then.” At times, Max found himself a bit jealous of Helen’s 4 day work weeks, knowing she got more time with Laila than he did. She had waited so long for the baby in his arms, so when she told him she wanted to cut back a bit at work while Laila was a baby, he did everything he could to make it happen. It had made appointments with her that much more coveted, and the demand for her higher, but she was happy. That is all that mattered to him.

“See,” Max smiled. “You are just as much of a bad influence as I am!”

Helen took Laila back from him as she shot him a look. “At least he admits he’s a bad influence, Laila.”

“Da…da…da…” she babbled.

“Yes,” Helen laughed. “At least your Daddy admits it.”

Max followed her out of the nursery and back downstairs to rejoin the chaos that was Luna’s 4th birthday party. He had no idea how she had done it, but Helen had managed to turn their living and dining rooms into everything Luna had requested. It had taken their little girl weeks to decide on what kind of party she wanted to have, often changing what she wanted at the last second, but Helen had gotten it all done. Despite all of the planning, late nights, and waking up far earlier that morning than either of them intended….the look on her face when she saw everything had been worth it.

Max spotted Georgia’s parents in the foyer talking to his Mother. He placed his hand on the small of Helen’s back, following her over to see them out. It hadn’t been the easiest thing trying to mingle all of their families, but they had put Luna first and were all committed to making it work. Strangely enough, Laila seemed to have been the final push everyone needed. “You guys headed out?”

“We are,” Georgia’s Dad smiled. “Got a bit of a drive ahead of us. We’re going back tonight.”

“Thank you so much for having us, Helen,” Georgia’s Mother said. “And you too, Max. We really enjoyed seeing her with all of her friends.” It was the first time Georgia’s parents had ventured into their life together. They were used to seeing Luna away from anything that would remind them of what Georgia was missing out on. It had been a big day for more than just him.

“Absolutely,” Helen said, sincerely. “You’re welcome here anytime!” The way she dealt with Georgia’s parents made him love her that much more if it were even possible. She was the most selfless woman he had ever known and always put Luna first. Max knew it couldn’t be easy trying to accommodate his deceased wife’s family, but she always thought of them.

Georgia’s Mom took Laila’s hand in hers. “You are such a beautiful girl,” she cooed to the baby. “Yes, you are! Your big sister loves you so much! You’re all she talks about when she comes to visit us!” Laila smiled as Georgia’s Mother continued talking to her, cooing in response. “Yeah, Luna talks about you all of the time! Could I hold you for a second? Would that be ok?”

“If you can pry her away from her Mama,” Max’s Mom laughed. “If Helen is around, I don’t even try!”

“Sometimes I don’t even try,” Max joked. “Though she did ok for you and Dad when you watched them so we could go out for dinner last month!” He had planned a complex domino transplant easier than he had planned their anniversary dinner. Patients backing out, finding new donors, and having to redo everything at the last minute had nothing on their breastfed baby who spent most of her time refusing to take her milk from bottles. Since Helen had returned to work after being on maternity leave for 8 weeks, she had to leave between appointments at least a couple times a week to go home when Laila refused her bottle for the Nanny. Max knew her headstrong nature would one day get her far in life, but it called all the shots in their lives for now.

“She did,” his Mom smiled. “Though she had Luna. Anytime she got fussy, Luna would talk to her and she was fine. I don’t know what we would have done without her.”

“She does love Luna,” Helen smiled, handing the baby to Georgia’s Mom as the little one started to fuss. “Laila,” Helen said. “I’m right here! You’re fine!” The baby kept her eyes locked on Helen, but started to quieten down as Georgia’s Mother gently rocked her back and forth in her arms. If someone had told Max that one day Georgia’s Mother would be holding his and Helen’s daughter, he wouldn’t have believed it. The little one had brought more people together than she would ever realize.

“See,” Max said, taking her little foot in his hand. “New friends aren’t so bad, huh?”

“Only if Mommy stays in her sight,” Georgia’s Mom laughed. “She hasn’t taken her eyes off Helen.”

“Hey, Lu!” Max called out. “Grandma and Grandpa are getting ready to leave!” It only took a few seconds before he heard the sound of little feet running in their direction. He had no idea what she had been up to now that her friends and classmates had cleared out, but if he knew their friends, she’d been allowed to do or eat something that would typically be off-limits. She’d been far too quiet and occupied. The moment she was next to him, she was climbing into his arms. “You need to tell Grandma and Grandpa thank you for coming and for your gift,” he told her.

Her little arms reached for Georgia’s Dad who stepped forward to take her. “Thank you for coming to my party and for my present,” she said sweetly. Max knew everything about her reminded them of Georgia, but he could tell every second they got with her meant the world to them. Some grandparents would have kept their distance, their own grief too raw for the constant reminder, but they had stepped up in a way he never imagined. 

“You’re so welcome, Darling,” her mother said.

“Who does Grandma have?” Georgia’s Dad asked her, pointing to his wife, who was still happily holding the baby.

“Baby Laila,” Luna replied.

“Baby Laila,” he smiled. “We’re so glad you have your little sister!” Max knew that was true. No matter how hard things were for them, they wanted nothing but happiness for Luna. Life had taken Georgia from her, but she had been blessed with Helen and Laila.

The instant Georgia’s Mom handed Laila in Helen’s direction, Luna reached for her at the same time. “No,” she whined. “Daddy hold Laila.”

Max took the baby as Luna wrapped herself around Helen, resting her head on her shoulder. She was almost becoming too much for Helen to hold, but he would never point that out. Laila started crying as Georgia’s parents kissed Luna goodbye and made their way to the front door. “Mommy can’t hold both of you at once,” he said to the baby. “Well, she can, but…..”

“I was just about to say,” Helen popped back. “Do you know how often I carry them both?”

Max’s Mom reached out to take Laila as Georgia’s parents made their exit. “Carrying you two around is why your Mommy doesn’t look like she had a baby just 6 months ago. That’s a workout! It’s been almost 40 years for me, and you can still tell I had children!” The baby started crying louder despite his Mom bouncing and rocking her. Max knew it was pointless, but his Mom would try until they insisted on taking Laila from her.

“She’s getting hungry,” Helen said. “Max, you want to take Luna upstairs while I go feed her?” They had purposefully held on to one of Luna’s gifts until everyone left. They always did their best to incorporate Georgia into Luna’s birthday in some way. Max could admit Helen usually came up with the ideas, but it was always his job to give them to her. Luna had a newfound fascination with jewelry, getting into Helen’s jewelry box often enough to make her put her more expensive pieces elsewhere. It had been her idea to have a set of Georgia’s pearls restrung into a bracelet and necklace for Luna. He would have never thought of it, but he knew Luna would love it.

“Daddy has another present for you upstairs,” Helen told the little girl. She quickly raised her head off Helen’s shoulder at the news of another gift. “You want to go with him while I feed Laila? It won’t take her long, and then you can have some cake.” Luna nodded, reaching for Max.

He took her in his arms as his Mom passed Laila to Helen. The baby stopped crying the moment she was back where she wanted to be. “Was that really necessary?” Helen said to the baby, wiping tears off her little face as the baby grinned back at her. “Really, Laila? You’re going to hurt Nan’s feelings!”

“No,” Max’s Mom said, taking one of Laila’s hands in hers. “It’s wonderful to see her so attached to you. It could never hurt my feelings.” Max understood completely. It would never bother him seeing Laila so attached to Helen. They may have to spend days planning for a couple hours out alone, and Helen may have to go back and forth from work to home more than she’d like, but the blessing of seeing that bond was worth it.

Max kissed Laila on the head as he passed by with Luna in his arms. He slowly made his way up their staircase, doing his best to mentally prepare himself for what was about to happen. There were so many things in Luna’s life that Georgia would never see; birthdays were only the beginning. There were conversations he could remember having while she was pregnant that were still painful to think about. Conversations about all of the firsts they had to look forward to that she would never get to see. She had so many hopes and dreams for the little one in his arms.

He saw the small, wrapped gift box on Luna’s pillow when he entered her room. Max would like to think he would have come up with creative ways to incorporate Georgia into all of Luna’s special days by himself, but he had his doubts. He held all of the stories, but Helen seemed to be much better coming up with tangible things she could have. He sat her on his lap as he took a seat on the bed and picked the box up off her pillow. “You want to open it?”

Luna smiled as she ripped the paper away, excited to find out what was in the small box. The look on her face as Max helped her open the lid was one he’d always remember. She lifted the small pearl bracelet and necklace out of the box, “These are for me?!”

“Those are for you,” Max laughed, kissing her on the head. He took the small bracelet from her, opening the clasp and securing it on her little wrist. “I want you to take really good care of these because they belonged to your Mom, Georgia, and she would be so happy to know you have them.” Luna sat in his lap quietly, looking at the pearl bracelet on her wrist. He could see her wheels turning, but she remained quiet for the longest time.

“These were my Mom’s?” She finally asked.

“They were,” Max replied. He pointed to the picture next to her bed, “She had those when we met, and I believe Grandma said she got them as a gift when she graduated high school. Mommy had them turned into a bracelet and necklace to fit you so you can wear them now.”

Luna took hold of his fingers with her little hands as she continued sitting on his lap quietly. “I didn’t grow in Mommy’s tummy?”

“No,” Max said. “You didn’t grow in Mommy’s tummy like Laila, you grew in your Mom’s tummy. She loved you more than anything and couldn’t wait to meet you.” It was still hard for Max to make sense of everything that happened, so he couldn’t imagine trying to grasp it at only 4 years old. “You remember I told you before that on the day you were born, we got into an accident on the way to the hospital, and your Mom was hurt very badly.”

“And her died,” Luna said. He had always been honest with her, never believing it was a good idea to sugarcoat what had happened, but it was the first time she had ever verbalized it herself. Hearing her little voice speak the truth was more heartbreaking than he could have ever imagined.

“That’s right,” Max replied. “She did. But before that happened, she got to see you, and hold you, and she loved you very much. She was so excited to be your Mom, and she’d be so proud to see how smart you are and how much you’ve grown.” No matter how hard it was, he promised himself the day Georgia died that he would always make sure Luna knew just how much she was loved. He would somehow keep her memory alive as their daughter grew. If not for Helen, he didn’t know if it would have always been possible, but Luna deserved to know her Mother.

“But,” Luna said, looking up at Max from where she sat. “Mommy is my Mommy.”

“Luna,” he said, looking into eyes that were identical to his own. “Mommy will _always_ be your Mommy. You may not have grown in her tummy, but that doesn’t change anything. She is your Mommy, and she loves you more than you even know, ok? You have a Mommy here and a Mom watching over you.”

“I growed in her heart,” Luna said. It was the most simplistic way to look at it and it amazed Max that she could make sense of something most adults couldn’t. He had a feeling she and Helen had already had this conversation.

Max smiled. He would miss the way she pronounced certain words as she grew older. It was those little details he loved the most. “That’s exactly right. You grew in your Mom’s tummy, but you’ve always been in Mommy’s heart.” He could remember the day Helen told him she wanted to be a Mom. Standing in his office, they had no idea the road that journey would take, but he always knew she was meant to be someone’s mother. The circumstances that brought them together may have been tragic, but Luna was truly blessed to be loved so fiercely by two of the most remarkable women Max had ever known.

As he sat and held her, he thought back to the day she was born. Despite the fear, panic, and unimaginable terror….he was transformed the moment she was placed in his arms. He’d spent the weeks before her birth at the brink of death, suffering through radiation and chemotherapy, and her tiny face was the first sign of life he’d seen in far too long. She had always been first in his thoughts when it came to believing he could survive, but holding her gave him a reason. Looking down at her perfect face, seeing parts of himself in her, and he knew at that moment it would take more than cancer to pull him away from her. He’d spent so much time focusing on the sorrow of that day, but that one moment…that one, perfect moment…had changed his life forever.

“I love you,” he told her.

“I love you too, Daddy,” she sweetly replied. “I want Mommy.”

She always seemed to need reassurance that Helen was still there whenever they discussed Georgia. It broke his heart in a way he couldn’t completely describe. It made him sad to know she felt those things at such a young age, but knowing how attached she was to Helen healed so many of the wounds that day had inflicted. “We can go see Mommy.”

He stood from his place on her bed, still holding her in his arms, and exited her bedroom. She kept her little arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. He’d give anything to know what was going through her little mind, exactly how she was processing everything, but he was content to know Helen had filled holes for her he could have never filled alone. She was the happy, carefree little girl she was because she had both of them. 

Their house looked as if a tornado had blown through as he made his way down the stairs and saw the mess in front of him. Except for his Dad and Floyd watching a baseball game on TV, it seemed as if everyone else had disappeared while he was upstairs. There was wrapping paper and opened gifts all over the living room, plates and cups on the dining room table, and he hadn’t made it to the kitchen yet. The mess was exhausting, yet wonderful. It had been a long road, but the fact he had finally been able to put the grief behind him enough to celebrate this day was everything. It was all he ever wanted for Luna.

“Where’s Mommy?” Luna asked.

“I think she’s still feeding Laila,” he replied. “We’ll find her!” He entered the kitchen to find his Mom, Lauren, and Evie busy cleaning up from the day. Helen had no doubt told them to leave it, but they listened as well as they always did. “Is Helen….”

“She’s in the guest room nursing the baby,” his Mom replied as she packed away the leftover birthday cake.

“I want a piece, Nan!” Luna said quickly. “Mommy said so!” She never forgot anything, especially when it came to being allowed treats she normally didn’t get. “Daddy, Mommy said I could….”

Max laughed, “Nan will cut you a piece of cake, Luna.” He held up 2 fingers, motioning to his Mom to make it a small one, or he knew she would be awake half the night. It had been a long day, and he was already looking forward to bed. He quietly opened the door to the guest room, smiling the moment he spotted Helen sitting in the chair, feeding the baby with her head resting against the chair and her eyes closed. “Now, who’s hiding?!”

Helen opened her eyes, giving him a look that told him even when she was sitting in a quiet room feeding their baby, she was still busy. The moment he put Luna down, she went to Helen and climbed up in the chair with her. It didn’t matter how full her lap was, she managed to make room for Luna while never disturbing Laila. The baby continued eating, completely unbothered, and Max knew she was used to having her big sister all over her as she tried to eat. “Did you get another present?”

Luna nodded, showing Helen her wrist, before resting her head against her. “It was my Mom’s.”

Helen looked up at Max, silently asking him how it went, and he didn’t have to say a word, she understood immediately that Luna needed a little extra attention and reassurance. “It was your Mum’s,” Helen told her. “So I need you take extra special care of it, ok? We’ll only wear it and your necklace on special occasions.”

“Like my dance, when Grandma and Grandpa come to watch me?” Luna asked.

“Yes,” Helen replied. “Like your dance recital.”

Max sat on the bed, quietly watching the 3 most important people in his life and felt more love than he ever thought possible. He could already tell that Luna had calmed just being in Helen’s arms. He knew she spent most of her time exhausted, pulled between Luna and Laila, but she was made to be a Mom, and he considered their girls the lucky ones having her.

Luna reached out, taking hold of Laila’s little hand, “Baby Laila growed in your tummy, Mommy.”

“She did,” Helen replied.

Luna hesitated for a moment, continuing to hold Laila’s hand. “But I didn’t. I growed in my Mom’s tummy, and then her died.”

“Remember what I told you about that?” Helen asked her, kissing her little head. “You didn’t grow in my tummy, but where did you grow?”

“Your heart,” Luna said.

There was so much the little one in Helen’s arms didn’t understand. So much that she wouldn’t understand for years. Those days would come, and he knew this was a conversation they would continue to have, but for now, he was satisfied keeping it as simple as possible. He wasn’t surprised at all to find out Helen had explained it to her that way. She could take the most complicated situation and explain it in a way he would never be able to.

“Do you know how badly I wanted a little one before you came along?” Helen said to her. Max remembered those conversations. He remembered her telling him she had gone through with a round of IVF after the accident and being thankful it never took because she didn’t want to do it alone. He would have loved any little one she may have had on her own as much as she loved Luna, he had no doubt of that, but he was thankful things had worked out the way they did. He couldn’t fathom a world without Laila in it. “I wanted to be a Mummy so much, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen. And then we found one another.”

Helen’s explanation was perfect. It hadn’t been as instantaneous as some might think who didn’t know the situation and hadn’t always been there. In the months following Georgia’s death, he kept her at a distance, and that included Luna. He knew if he ever opened up to her, a tidal wave of emotion would come out he would be powerless to hold back. If he broke, especially to her, he would never be able to recover. Looking back, he had no idea why she had stayed through everything he put her through. He didn’t think he’d ever fully believe he deserved her. When he saw how happy Luna was with her, he realized not allowing Helen into her life had been a mistake. She needed people. The little girl needed to see that despite his sadness, there was happiness and love out there. There would never be two people who needed one another the way Helen and Luna had needed one another.

“You will always have a Mum,” Helen continued explaining. “Nothing will ever change that. She loved you so very much and will always be watching over you, but I am so happy you allowed me to be your Mummy.” 

Luna was perfectly content with that answer, and once again, Helen had managed to do in a few minutes what he struggled to do every single time she asked. The one thing he did know was that Georgia would be proud of the decisions he had made and the life their daughter had. If she couldn’t raise Luna, then he knew she would be proud a woman like Helen had stepped up to do the job. A job that wasn’t easy, raising another woman’s child, but she made it seem like the most natural thing in the world.

“You know what we have to do next?” Helen asked her. “We have to feed Laila her avocado.”

Luna giggled, keeping a hold on the baby’s hand as she finally finished eating. “Her gets it EVERYWHERE!!”

Helen laughed, “She does get it everywhere!”

Max stood and walked over to take one of them so Helen could stand. “Come here, you,” he said, taking Laila from her and tickling her side. The baby squealed out as he held her up in the air.

“If she vomits on you, I don’t even want to hear it!” Helen said. “You know she literally just finished eating!”

Max brought her down, kissing her cheek as she kicked her legs excitedly watching Helen and Luna’s every move.“Mommy doesn’t know what she’s talking about, does she?” Luna tickled her little foot before bounding out the room ahead of them, no doubt going for the cake she had been promised. He felt Helen wrap her arms around his waist as she leaned against him. “Thank you,” he said, kissing her head.

“For what?” Helen asked, looking up at him slightly confused.

“Loving her the way you do,” he said. “The more she understands, the harder it seems to be for her. Talking about Georgia seemed to bother her more this time than it normally does, and she immediately wanted you.” Once he saw her in Helen’s arms, he understood. Her little brain couldn’t process the loss, but she knew exactly where home was.

“I’ll never be able to replace Georgia for her, Max,” Helen finally said after a few minutes of silence. “Not entirely. But she’s mine. Completely. That was decided the minute she looked at me and called me Mum.” He would never forget that day. They had been in a relationship for several months when Luna reached for Helen and gave her that title. It caught them completely off guard but it couldn’t have happened in a more perfect way. He recalled meeting her look of uncertainty with a smile and they had never looked back. He kissed Helen, smiling when they heard Laila’s babbling start in as she patted his chest with her little hand.

“What?!” Max asked her, tickling her before kissing her face. “Can I not kiss Mommy?”

“Da…da…da…” Laila babbled, placing her little hands on either side of his face.

Max smiled at the little one grinning back at him, her 2 tiny bottom teeth visible. “You could get me to do anything you wanted, you know that, don’t you?”

Helen kept her hand on his arm, watching as Laila kept her tiny hands on Max and giggled as he kissed her face. “Oh, she knows it. We all know it, babe.”

“Is it avocado time?” He asked her. “Let’s go see!” Hearing his girls laugh was the best sound in the world and he would do anything for a second of it. He followed Helen out of the guest room and back to the kitchen. Just as he suspected, Luna was perched at the table next to Lauren, shoveling bites of cake into her mouth with a spoon.

“Floyd and Evie had to get going,” Lauren told them. “They didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Lu,” Max laughed. “You need to go easy on that cake. Pretty sure I told Nan to only give you a small piece.”

“It’s her birthday, Max,” his Mom defended.

Lauren reached over, scooping some of the frosting onto her finger and into her mouth. “I’m helping her. See?”

“We’ll remember that when she’s awake at 1am,” Helen laughed. “Have her ring you up! She _loves_ to talk on the phone!”

“Yeah,” Lauren smiled. “Auntie Lauren’s sitter services end at dark.”

Max placed the baby in her high chair, smiling as the protest began before he even secured her in the seat. The baby continued crying as he fastened the tray in front of her. “Hey,” Helen said, placing some yogurt bites on her tray. She picked one up, holding it to Laila’s mouth. “You stop being a fussy girl. You have to sit in your chair to eat.” The baby instantly stopped fussing as she took the food into her mouth and started chewing. “Now, is that better? Your food is warming, and I know you aren’t starving.” 

“That Sharpe temper,” Max joked as Helen popped him on the shoulder. “Bloom, I know you agree!”

Lauren held her hands up in resignation, “All I’m saying is I’ve never been in an argument with Max.”

Luna hopped down from the chair she was seated in and made her way over to stand by Laila’s high chair. She reached out, taking one of the yogurt bites off the tray and held it up for Laila to eat. The baby took the food, excitedly kicking her legs as she chewed it up. “Did Lu have some frosting on that finger?” Max whispered. “Good stuff, huh?” He knew she hadn’t gotten any frosting, but it was worth getting Helen started.

“She better not have,” Helen said, walking back in their direction as she mixed Laila’s food up in a small bowl. “The two of you teach her enough without feeding her cake at 6 months old!”

Max laughed, “She didn’t get any frosting.” When Max thought back to Luna at Laila’s age, he was shocked she had survived some days. Helen was so careful about everything she did, making certain it was the way the Pediatrician recommended before she introduced anything new to the baby. He could recall giving Luna bites of whatever he was eating as soon as she could chew and had a few teeth. He helped Luna climb onto the table so she could sit in front of Laila’s high chair and watch her eat.

“Can I do it, Mommy?” Luna asked.

Helen scooped up some of the food and handed Luna the spoon. The little girl leaned forward, holding the spoon out to her baby sister. Laila took it, spitting a bit out as soon as the food was in her mouth. Luna laughed, “No, Laila, you gotta eat it!”

Helen took the spoon from her, showing her how to scoop the avocado off the baby’s chin and back into her mouth. “Babies like to spit things out as they learn to eat,” she explained. “So sometimes you have to help them out with it.”

Max watched as Luna did her best to feed the baby, but more and more avocado ended up all over Laila’s face and the high chair tray. Still, Helen patiently allowed Luna to continue feeding her sister. The baby started slapping her little hands on the tray and babbling as avocado ran down her face. Before Helen could clean her off, she started blowing bubbles with her mouth and sprayed the green concoction all over herself, Helen, and Luna. “Laila,” Helen laughed.

Luna giggled, shielding her face from the avocado as Laila continued performing her newly learned trick. Helen placed the bowl in front of the baby, “Go for it, we’re all covered in it anyway!”

They watched as Laila dipped both of her little hands in the bowl of food and immediately smeared it on her face. It wasn’t long before Luna joined in, dipping her finger in the bowl and touching the baby’s nose. Max reached out, placing his hand on Helen’s waist as he pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. Lauren laughed, “You try for months to have these little people, and this is what you get…”

“Months?!” Helen said, turning to look at her friend. “That one was over a year of meeting one another in our offices at random times of the day, then doctor’s appointments, then shots and pills, then ultrasounds, and….”

“Hold up,” Lauren stopped her. “Random meetings in each other’s offices?”

“You heard what I said,” Helen popped back as Lauren laughed. She was no doubt shocked to learn they had been anything but professional in their first months of trying to have a baby.

Max’s Mom laughed, reaching out to wipe avocado out of Laila’s eye with a cloth, “Well, whatever your Mommy and Daddy had to do to get you, we’re fine with it!” The baby grinned up at her Grandmother with her 2 toothed grin that could melt anyone’s heart. “Yes, we’re fine with it! Whatever it took to get our Laila!”

Max rested his head against Helen’s back, laughing at the awkwardness of the moment. Their life was often crazy, but he was so happy and in love with everything they had together. If someone had told him 4 years ago on this day that he would survive and eventually be this happy, he would never have believed it. His life was over. The accident had destroyed everything. In many ways, that was true, life would never be what it once was, but the changes it brought with it had given him everything he had now. This is what survival looked like. The wife in his arms and the two little girls covered in avocado in front of them.

“I can’t believe you’re being so calm about this,” Max said as Helen turned to look at him.

“Oh, believe it,” she smiled, resting her head against his, kissing him as the chaos continued behind them. “Because you’re totally doing bath time tonight!”

He pulled back from her, giving her a look of disbelief as he was met with that smile he fell in love with years ago. She was completely serious, and he had never been happier knowing he’d be scrubbing avocado off a 4 year and 6 month old later. He might complain any other day, but not today. “I love you,” she smiled, kissing him again.

“I love you,” he smiled.

He could try for the rest of his life, and she would never know just how much. He had been asked before if he regretted taking the job at New Amsterdam. His world seemed to turn upside down at the same time he walked through the doors of the hospital. He was headed for a divorce, had just been diagnosed with cancer, and Georgia had a complicated pregnancy. The journey had been long, it had ended in more tragedy than he ever thought possible, and it all seemed to begin when he accepted the job as Medical Director.

He believed in life things simply happened. Life just happened, no matter if you were ready for it or not. When he stopped being angry at the world that took Georgia, he realized it was the same one that gave him Helen. It was the same one that gave him his little girls. Finally realizing that, had brought him more peace than any therapist or self-help book could have offered. It wasn’t all bad. It couldn’t be.

The answer he gave on that day was the same one he still believed. Entering that hospital was the best decision he ever made. Despite everything it had taken from him, the times it had brought him to his knees, and the times he was certain he wouldn’t survive….it led him to Helen. It led him to Laila. It led him to the family they had together. It led him to survival.


End file.
